


The Suffering Of Tate Langdon

by ThePurpleChronicler



Series: After Series - American Horror Story: Murder House [1]
Category: American Horror Story: Murder House
Genre: F/M, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-17
Updated: 2018-01-17
Packaged: 2019-03-06 01:24:00
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 20
Words: 34,905
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13400502
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ThePurpleChronicler/pseuds/ThePurpleChronicler
Summary: Tate is left alone, again. With Violet refusing to see him, he begins losing his mind for the second time. Violet's words; "You have to pay for you've done" echoes in his head. He begins to listen. Tate begins self-mutilating the last of the hope remaining in his spirit. Will he continue his self-torture? Or will people he least expected to care, save his life? Based after the Finale.





	1. As The Weeks Go By...

It's been.. god, I don't even know how long it's been since I've seen her. I've spent so much time in this fucking basement that I don't even know how much time has passed. As soon as Violet said those two words, I knew I was damned to see her again, that I was forbidden to love her. I punch the concrete wall for the forty-thousandth time, not even slightly paying attention to the broken and blood fist that belonged to me. I couldn't feel it, so I didn't care, I just continued trying to break the invulnerable concrete wall in front of me. I punch one final time before hearing a familiar voice.

I turn around to see who my visitor was, fist clenched in absolute rage. But as soon as I saw the familiar beautiful face (although it wasn't the one I wanted) my anger soothed. It was the woman that saved my life but also got me into this fucking mess. It was Nora, strutting around in her familiar and sometimes irritating swagger, but I knew I couldn't release my anger on her.

"Hi, Nora," I say emotionless, trying to hide my feelings from her, even though she was distracting with trying to find her baby.  
She stares up at me. "Hello, handsome," she smiles. "What are you doing here by yourself?"  
"I've been done here for ages, Nora. You're the first one to notice - no, can that, you're the first one to give a fuck!" I snarl.  
Her face says it all, she has no idea what's wrong with me. But I do, I know that I'm standing in this piece of shit hellhole called Murder House, I know that the only people that know what's wrong with me, hate me. And I also know that the girl I'm basically infatuated with, won't love me back.

"Tate?" her breathing is heavy with a sudden sigh, her hands reach out to me.  
"Don't," I pull back from her, tasting the sadness and hurt she's feeling.  
"I'm sorry, my child," she apologises, before disappearing back upstairs into the main room of the house.  
I walk over to the wall, hitting a few more times before sliding my back against it, sitting on the cold concrete ground. "Fuck," I howl, wiping my hand across my forehead, not realising that I'm wiping my own blood on me. "What the hell is wrong with me?"

I grip the wall with my hand and pull myself off the dirty ground, somewhat struggling in the process. Damn this weird ghost fatigue shit. I look at my hand, it's healed? Already? I wish I didn't heal but didn't die. It'd be less effort to just bleed and bleed every day, rather than beat the hell out of the wall like Mike Tyson high on cocaine. I start wandering to the bottom of the stairs when I hear someone coming down. I couldn't care less, so I strut up the stair, barging past whoever was there, not realising it was Patrick.

I'm suddenly gripped by my jacket and thrown back down the basement, sighting glimpses of the blonde hair and thick body of Patrick. I get back on my feet, pissed.  
"The fuck, Patrick?!" I growl.  
"Oh, c'mon Langdon! Remember when you did that to me, after killing me? It was fun then, wasn't it? When you had your weird undead strength, but guess what? I have that now, and now I'm a lot stronger than you are."  
Patrick must've had another spit with Chad, because he's here, and he's never here. He's come looking for me, someone to beat to make him feel better. I guess I'm the target again.  
"You here to beat the shit out 'f me I presume?" my voice doesn't crack, doesn't lose tone, nothing. I know I deserve it, she said it, so it must be true.  
"Maybe.." he pauses. "You don't seem to care?"  
"I don't," I remark, speaking every inch of truth.  
Patrick's face isn't filled with joy anymore, he's confused. He wants to hurt me, badly. I'd want to hurt my killer too if I was him; probably kill him instead. Patrick eyes every inch of me down, trying to read me, but he can't. He walks up to me slowly.

I knew this was gonna happen. He's going to hurt me again. But this time, I want him to. I want him to make me suffer.


	2. The Surprise Hidden In Truth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tate is left alone, again. With Violet refusing to see him, he begins losing his mind for the second time. Violet's words; "You have to pay for you've done" echoes in his head. He begins to listen. Tate begins self-mutilating the last of the hope remaining in his spirit. Will he continue his self-torture? Or will people he least expected to care, save his life? Based after the Finale.

I knew this was gonna happen. He's going to hurt me again. But this time, I want him to. I want him to make me suffer.

But I was completely stunned when he didn't hit me, but, sat beside me. Face completely swapped from anger to sadness. I slid the locks of my hair out of my face and rubbed my eyes. Was this an illusion? Was he even here? Was I in a trance? A dream? I had no coke anymore, so I definitely wasn't high. This was different, Patrick was sitting beside me? He hated me. What the fuck?

"How long have you been down here?" he speaks, eyes avoiding even the slightest look at me, I don't blame him.  
"No fucking clue," I pause, causing a split second of silence. "Does it really matter though?"  
"Probably not. You're the reason I'm here," he muses.  
"Well. My bad."  
"That's it?" he chuckles. "I guess it's better than nothing."

That's when it hits the room again, silence. It felt good talking to someone, but with the amount of hatred I could feel towards me, the silence didn't hurt. Patrick does nothing but stares at his silver watch, caressing it with little happiness leaving his face. I've caused him this great deal, he's stuck in this asylum with everyone else. There's no magic here. Fuck. This isn't a hotel it's a god damn freak show, and we're the main attraction. I think of Addie. God, it'd be easier if she was with me. I'd have someone to talk to.

"I'm- I'm sorry for being douche and- killing you." I knew that was one of dumbest things I've ever said, but, what's said is said.  
"Wait. Say that again?" Patrick smirks.  
"I'msorryforbeingadoucheandkillingoyu," I mumble quickly, hardly bringing out the words.  
Patrick laughs. "I don't forgive you. Not yet, maybe one day. But-"  
"Clearly not today," I interrupt.  
Patrick simply nods his head and looks at me.  
"You've completely fucked up, you know?" he says, asserting the truth and only the truth. His words were completely true and they struck an impulse inside.

I get up slowly and head towards the ping -pong table the family we scared away left. My teeth grind, I can feel it coming out again, the evil I once controlled. Rubber man. I flip the table against the wall, breaking it nearly in half. I see Patrick's eyes string up at me, nearly jumping out of their sockets. I begin to stomp the table in, throwing pieces around the room, knocking jars and glass bottles off the nearby cabinet.  
"What the hell are you doing?!" I hear him yell.  
I couldn't be bothered to stop. I just ignore him and continue breaking the basement for the second time. It is until I feel his hand grab my wrist that I pay attention.  
"WHAT?!" I yell, echoing the whole house.

Patrick shocks back. I scared him. I was angry, no, I was psychotic. I was a "psychopath" just like Ben said. I was what I feared to be; evil, uncontrollable, unloved, psychotic and no doubt, a monster. I grip Patrick's arm. He was a lot stronger than I was, but I don't think that was the case tonight. My grip was breaking his arm, I could feel it. I snapped out of anger and back to reality. I let go of his arm and step back. Patrick takes his arm in hand and rubs it. I hurt him a bit.

"Sorry," I pause. "I lost control, I'm sorry."  
Patrick stares at me with dark eyes. He wasn't mad, he was somewhat concerned.  
"What the hell was that?" he asks. "You weren't you."  
"Maybe I was me," I knot.  
Patrick stares at me again, he hated me, but there's something inside of him that was being consumed by concern.

"It's her, isn't it," he says, his voice cracking when he said "her".  
"Who?" I say stupidly.  
"Violet. She's the reason you've stayed down here?"  
"Who cares? She doesn't want to see me again," I state, reminding myself of those words she said.  
"I wouldn't be too sure," Patrick says, looking me up and /My eyes peer at him, watering slightly at the thought of Violet. I've been cursed by her; her hazel eyes, her amazing smile, wicked attitude. I took her purity, and now I'm burdened to never see her again.  
"What does that mean?" I snark, wanting to hear every word Patrick has to say.

He goes silent. He knows that the anticipation is torture enough. But he doesn't want to know, like it's his little secret, like a weapon against me.  
"It doesn't matter, but there's something you need to do." His eyes grow back into the form of anger, his attitude has changed towards me. Was he trying to hide his concern? Or was he truly hating me?  
He walks up to the nearby closet and holds onto the handle, before tearing it open. The closet doors open, revealing the torn at the stomach, black latex suit that he wore when he committed those crimes. It was rubber man, well, it was the alter-egos form. He doesn't remember putting it there? Last person, to wear it was Ben Harmon?

My heart begins to sink down to my kidneys. The suit scared me, even when I was wearing it. I couldn't handle the sight of it. I know the things I've done in that thing, the monstrous alter-ego I created.  
"Stay- that fucking thing- away from me!"  
"No, Tate." Patrick gnarls at me. "You need to destroy it. Destroy it and maybe, whatever good you have left in inside of your helpless self will show."  
The look on his face was serious, on both of our faces. I don't know why, but he was trying to help me? Was he trying to help me?  
"Why? Why must I destroy it? Why can't you?" my voice was losing touch due to fear.  
"If you don't. It will consume you again," a voice says from the stairs.

I look over to the stairs, another familiar face. Now I'm being crowded, I don't like this. It's Chad, standing angrily against the wall. Why was he here? It was for Patrick no doubt.  
"Patrick. Hun," he says. "I think it's time we left this, thing, alone."  
I could feel my eyes grow dark as I watched him find himself back up the stairs, Patrick following him.  
"It's up to you, Langdon." He snarls. "Just remember, you're going to be here a while. Might as well impress somebody."

I walk up to him and grip his shirt, stopping him in his path. Chad turns around and looks at me.  
"Is everything you said true?" I sigh, demanding an answer.  
"The truth and nothing but the truth," he grins, before finding his way back into the main house.  
I turn back down the stairs and walk towards the closet. I stop and stare at the latex suit. My notice a box below it, and strut towards it. I open it quickly, expecting something stupid like a bomb. Instead, I stand before items of suffering. A razor similar to what Violet used to use (probably still does after the shit I caused), the handgun I used to kill a few students the day I lost it, a lighter and the noose used to kill Ben Harmon.

My hands grip onto the suit, holding it still. This is it, I'm holding it, feeling its darkness consuming my body. My eyes find their way around the suit and to the cut on the stomach. I can't remember what happened, but someone didn't like the suit, or who was wearing it. I let out a scream of agony, fighting its corruption. The scream lasts for about twenty seconds before I stop.  
You have to pay for what you've done.  
"You're right, Violet. I do."  
You need to destroy it.   
I grip the suit, dragging it up the stairs I swore to myself I wouldn't go back up. I walk to the entertainment room, noticing the fireplace is sparked up. This makes my job easier. I find myself walking towards the flame, eyes flaming towards it like a crazy-man.

I look around the house. I see Nora sitting on the chair, watching Violet's mother, Vivien, as she rocks her baby Jeffrey. I think about Violet's half-brother, the one the cocksucker is looking after. I hope he turns out exactly like me, but worse. Constance will love that. My thoughts are crumbled when someone appears in front of me, pulling off the ghost teleportation shit. It's Ben Harmon. The one who hated me the day he met me.

"What. the hell. are you doing here?" he says slowly, noticing the suit in my hands.  
"You lied to me, you know," I snap. "You didn't even try to hang out with me. But that's not why I'm here."  
"Then why are you here? Violet's not in-"  
"This isn't about Violet, Mr Harmon," I explain. "This is about the thing in my hands; I'm getting rid of it."  
Ben laughs at me, finding my idea amusing.  
My eyes darken at the asshole standing in front of me. I want to break his neck right now but that will only make matters worse. I say the two magic words to make him disappear away from me.  
"Go away."

When he leaves, I turn to the fireplace and kneel in front of it. I rip the suit into smaller pieces so the latex doesn't burn out the fire. My mind trembles in shakes, this is hard. I don't want to give it up, but I know I have to. I place the small pieces into the fire, causing small sparks of smoke before I finally get up to the last piece of nightmarish latex. I sigh. Hearing the voices in my head again.  
You need to pay for what you've done.  
You're not a person, you're a monster. A psychopath.  
"Shut up," I snark to myself, grabbing my head.  
I was going to leave with him, and you screwed that up!  
Tell us why you did it. You owe us that!

I let out another squirm of pain and struggle before placing the last piece of the latex into the fire. But this time, my hand goes in with it. The sleeves of my jacket and shirt begin to burn, catching a flame. My hand starts to fry in the fire. My mouth opens to a scream. I can hear Nora and Vivien turn, their chairs grinding against the wooden floor. My hand has turned from blistering to burnt flesh. My screams go quieter when my mouth closes but it still hurts. I watch as the latex burns away from my hand. I can't hold it. My screams echo through the entire house. I'm not doing for attention, the only person I want hates me. I do it because I deserve it.


	3. Sleeping In The Sadness

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tate is left alone, again. With Violet refusing to see him, he begins losing his mind for the second time. Violet's words; "You have to pay for you've done" echoes in his head. He begins to listen. Tate begins self-mutilating the last of the hope remaining in his spirit. Will he continue his self-torture? Or will people he least expected to care, save his life? Based after the Finale.

My vision cleared. I'm sitting underneath Ben's gazebo. How did I get here? What happened to me? I look at my hand, its burnt to a crisp, bone flashing around in what's left of the pale moonlight. I can feel my eyes begin to water, creating a stream of tears rolling down my face. It is then that I realise that I'm not alone. There are two people with me. I see their shadows at the edge of my eye. I know it's not Violet, the shadows are a lot curvier than Violet's thin physique. I turn around to reveal the shadows. Vivien and Nora.

"What are you doing here?" I snap. Good one Tate, a great conversation starter for the woman you raped and basically murdered.  
"No!" Vivien snarks back. "The question is; what was that about?"  
I look blankly at her then slide my eyes to the view of Nora. She seemed different, she looked like she had more personality. No more need to try to find her baby.  
"I was doing something productive."  
"Productive?!" Nora spits, mad at me. I've never seen that woman mad before, only upset or slightly joyed. "You were burning yourself."  
"Oh well," I wipe my locks to the side of my face. "What can you do?"  
"That's why we're here, Tate!" Vivien says, eyes focusing on me.

I stand up, wiping the dry tears from my face. I hear rain begin to pour down, great mood supporter. I look at the gazebo counter. The razor, noose, gun and matches are laid out neatly. Did they go through my jacket? Did I pass out when I burnt my hand? What the fuck. I look at Vivien in confusion.  
"Why do you care, Vivien? You know what Id-"  
"Yes, I do know Tate," she interrupts me, angering me a bit. "But do you know what? I'm different to Ben. Sure, what you did was-"  
"Fucked up," I add to irritate her. Paybacks a bit.. oh wait.  
"Tate," Nora sighs.  
"Yes, you can say that. But I think personally that you don't deserve to torture yourself forever."  
Her voice is serious, but also seems lost and concerned.

I look at the tools on the counter, then look back at her.  
"I'm sorry, Vivien. But I deserve a lot more than a little burning," I walk into the rain, but not before picking up the razor.  
"Tate!" Vivien screams, voice cracking intensely.  
"Don't," I say, looking at both women. "Don't try to help me. God knows the devil doesn't deserve it.  
I watch as Vivien walks out into the rain to follow me. I hear her speak words of reason, but I can't work them out.  
"Go away, Vivien," I say, making her disappear.  
I look at Nora, her eyes are becoming streams of tears.  
"I'm sorry."

I stopped at the back fence of the house, leaning over it to lay on it. The rain begins to soak my jacket, as well as the shirt that lays underneath. I hold the razor in my hand, staring at it for no reason. I know deserve this shit. The voices cloud my mind, my judgement. Seems like I lost the will to live, well, as much as I do anyway. I've lost control of my body, allowing the voices to control me. Well, whenever I leave myself in control, it never go well. With Rubber Man gone, I've loosened the chances of me killing someone again. The water drips from the tips of my hair and my chin. It flows down my body, through my clothes and back to the ground. I grip the razor tighter, causing blood to flow from my palm, drenching my arm and diluting with the rain. I wonder where she is. I want to see her again, and I wonder if she's seen me in all this.

Violet's POV

There he is. The one I love but told to leave. Sitting in the rain, alone. I heard his screams earlier, fuck, I've heard him yell and breaking things in the basement. I wanted to see him, but I need to keep my mind in check. You know what he did, what he did to your mother. I stand at the window, staring at him. Why is he doing this? He's been fine in the basement, well, I don't know that for sure. He's leaning against the back of the fence, trying to hide from everyone. He doesn't know I can see him, which is good, I'd prefer if he didn't know. But the more I see him alone, the harder it is to hold the tears from my eyes.

"What is he holding?" I say to myself, wiping my eyes.  
"What he's holding is a razor," my mom says from behind me.  
"Bullshit!" I snap. "He's not that far gone, he's just looking for attention.  
"I saw it myself, Vi."  
I roll my hazel eyes at her. She doesn't know shit.  
"Vi," she sighs at me.  
"Yeah," I look at her angrily.

She takes me into a tight hug. What is up with her? She seems upset, but it's not because of my dad.  
"What's wrong, mom?" I asked, hugging her back.  
"It's Tate," she says simply, he cared about him?  
"What about him?" I ask. "What did he do earlier?"  
"I don't think I should tell you," she says, but serious.  
I grow irritated. "What'd he do, mom?"

She looks out the window, at him. After all, he did to our family, my mother still cared, even about a monster like my ex-boyfriend. He didn't deserve sympathy, but for some reason, I was feeling sad. I join her at the window. I can see it now, his hand is fucked.  
"What happened to his hand?!" I panic, not thinking about clouding my emotions from her.  
"He was burning the latex suit," she pauses.  
"He was?" I'm surprised he did it, but I feel it wasn't about his redemption.  
"Yeah," she pauses again. "But when it got up to the last piece, he put his hand in the fireplace with it."

I gasp and look back at him. I notice something odd. There's blood soaking all over his hand and arm. No. He's cutting his wrists. He's doing what I promised him I wouldn't do. Three horizontal cuts on each wrist. I watch in agony as he slices the last cut on his other. I know how he felt now, watching me. I want to go down there and stop him, but I can't for some reason. I see tears flowing down his face with the rain. He drops the razor to the ground and starts pounding his head with his fists.

Tate' POV

"Stupid! Fucking! Idiot!" I scream, pounding my head with the apex of my fists. I committed another betrayal. Now I'm a hypocrite, a bullshit cunt of an asshole that committed something I got the girl I loved to promise never to do again. I'm so fucking stupid. This is some mighty fine bullshit here. I feel the tears flow down my cheeks. This is it. No coming back from this, I deserve this, I know I do, I just wished I didn't have to be an asshole to Vivien and beautiful Nora. Nora's like a mother to me, a better mother than what Constance will ever be. I look around the backyard, I can see a little truck, the one I owned when I was a kid; when I was innocent.

I pick up the razor again, placing it at the top of my wrist and flipping it vertically.  
Do it, Tate! You deserve this. DO IT!  
I scream to myself, the voices are back and they're not coming back until it's done.  
This is it. No coming back from this, I deserve this.

Violet's POV

"What's happened to him?" I ask my mother, who's sitting down on my bed.  
"He's broken, Vi. His mind and heart are broken."  
I look at my mother with bare eyes, mimicking hers.  
"Why do you even give two shits?" I snarl at her.  
"Violet!"  
"No, seriously. Why?"  
My mother pauses at me, then sighs.  
"At first I was completely and utterly hateful to Tate. After all the shit he pulled off. But then I thought; if it wasn't for this house and Tate's actions that lead to me and your brother's death. Our family wouldn't be whole again. I thought about it deeply. And eventually, I've come to the point that I don't hate him entirely. Sure, I haven't completely forgiven him, but he's one of the reasons why our family is whole again."

I nod in surprise, I can't believe my mother felt this way, she cared about him. Even after everything he did to her and to the others of this house, my mother still cared about him. He didn't much to me, nothing bad anyway, he tried to save me when I died and hid my body. Whether or not he hid my body because of my family's well-being, it was still a big decision, and he made it for me, I know that for a fact. And now he was out there; freezing and deteriorating inside, the situation was volatile and I knew it. This was destroying him, all that time in the basement, and when people tried to help, he cut them out.

I stood still, staring at my mother with watery eyes. As much as I wanted to hand in the trembles of my tears, I couldn't take anymore, I had to let it out.  
"I've done this, mom!" I squeal, causing a commotion in Murder House similar to what Tate has been creating. "I did this to him."  
"You didn't do anything, honey." Her voice is calming and disruptive, killing off the sadness inside of me.  
"I did though," I knew it was true, I destroyed Tate Langdon. The boy who went crazy because of his sickly disturbed mother.  
"You were angry, people say things when they're angry."  
I nod. She embraces me in a comforting hug, and I dig my face into her shoulder.

I take one last glimpse outside the window. And what my eyes lay on, is a horror, a horror I created. I strip out of the hug and clamp against the window in panic, wiping my eyes in disbelief. My eyes water, even more, causing pain throughout my whole body, pain like nothing else; my heart was aching and tearing out of my chest. I know it wasn't permanent, but the sight is still unforgivable. It's Tate; lying perfectly still, like he's dreaming. But he's not, blood drips down his wrist, but not in a fashion I used to take part in, but vertically. Tate is torturing himself because of me. He slit his wrists and now he's dead (temporarily).


	4. Waking Up To Pain

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tate is left alone, again. With Violet refusing to see him, he begins losing his mind for the second time. Violet's words; "You have to pay for you've done" echoes in his head. He begins to listen. Tate begins self-mutilating the last of the hope remaining in his spirit. Will he continue his self-torture? Or will people he least expected to care, save his life? Based after the Finale.

Tate's POV

I wake up in soaked clothes and a bloody but healed wrist. The rain has stopped, but it's still night, the perfect time to sit down for a bit more. I feel the fatigue rush over me, enough to send me trembling to my knees. Fuck. My hand is healed as well, looking as new as if I went to a plastic surgeon and got it fixed. I find my way back to the gazebo and notice something. Either it's my fatigue or I'm not fucking stupid, but the razor is gone from my bloody pocket, and the matches are gone from the gazebo. I'm too tired so it doesn't bother me too much. I begin to lay down when someone startles me with their sudden presence. Of course, it's her, it has to be her.

"Hello, handsome," the snarky woman says.  
I look up to see the smiling Hayden. "Hi."  
"You don't seem happy to see me?" she says, pulling off a hurt face.  
"There's a reason I slept in the rain," I say sarcastically.  
"Care to share?" she sits beside me. "I love stories."  
"No, not really."  
She starts putting her arms around me. "Oh, c'mon handsome."

I spring up to my feet, grabbing the handgun on the counter.  
"Fuck off," I say, tightly holding the handle of the weapon I've killed with.  
She doesn't seem shocked, instead, she smiles at me.  
"Funny, Tate," she laughs again, making my mood worse. "But I'm sure you'd rather save those bullets for yourself. You've only got nine"  
She knows about me and shits going on? Fucking hell. That's the last thing I need.  
"Nine bullets?" I think, remembering the one bullet Ben used to shoot Vivien and scare off the people who moved in before.

Hayden just laughs at me, she knows the pain I'm putting myself into, and she intends in making it worse to make herself feel better. I just laugh with her, because I have a much simple idea up my sleeve.  
"Hey, Hayden? Wanna' play a game?" I smirk sarcastically, not like I can properly smile anymore.  
"Yeah sure."  
"It's a riddle; two words can make someone disappear. What are they?"  
Silence hits the whole backyard, but then again, it was three in the morning most probably. She looks like she's thinking hard, but I doubt she'll get it. It's just the introduction to get her to piss off anyway.  
"No idea." she laughs.  
I look at her blankly. "Go away."

The silence becomes so sudden and feels amazing. It's never felt like that before. I first week of being alone destroyed me, I know because I counted the days, the hours, the minutes. It was torturous and disturbing for me. Having to hold me from rushing to Violet's room and drowning her with apologies and hugs and kisses, it fucking sucked. I drop the gun back on the counter and cross my arms before slowly placing my head on them. I can feel myself slowly drifting off to sleep, I think of Violet with her gorgeous hazel eyes, smiling at me. And next thing I knew, I was gone.

Violet's POV

There he was again. There wasn't a minute I wasn't watching him, making sure he wasn't going to try and do it again. But then again, I'm not sure if I'd have the courage to jump in and stop him. I did this to him, and I'm not sure if I can bring him out of it. It was bullshit and I knew it; the shit I've brought him in. He looks comfortable sleeping under the gazebo out of the rain, but that doesn't change what he did to himself. I hate him more for doing that and what made me tell him to go away in the first place, I don't want him doing that, I love him, but I don't love the person he is right now.

"How is he?" a male voice says from behind me.  
I turn to see my father standing in the doorway, arms crossed.  
"Who?"I say dumbly, trying to ignore the topic. It's a lot easier talking to mom than dad.  
"Don't play dumb with me, Violet. Your mother told me about the little monster's actions."  
I snap at him. "Don't call him that, asshole!"  
"Don't call me an asshole, Violet." His voice turns from curious to vexed, I'm in serious trouble.

He closes the door quietly and stands at the door.  
"You know what he d-"  
"Of course I do, Dad. But that doesn't mean he has to be killing himself from the inside out."  
"Maybe it does?" he adds, staring me in the eye.  
"You may want him to suffer, but," I pause.  
"But?" he asks, sounding even more curious than previously encountered.  
"I love him, Dad."  
He shrieks in agony. "No."

"Yes, Ben." My mother says, appearing behind him.  
My father looks at my mother in a disgusting look, you could tell he hated Tate but my mother objected my father's joy in seeing him suffer.  
"She can't be with him, Vivien. He's dangerous and just-"  
"You can't tell my daughter who she can and can't be with. They're not together anyway."  
Hearing my mother state my relationship status hurt me a bit, it was true. Since I sent Tate away. I can't take anymore.  
"Mom, Dad, shut up! This is my life and I want to be happy and have what I want. I'm merely keeping an eye on him, fuck, I can't even do that! Go away and argue somewhere else.

And like that, they were again, probably arguing somewhere quiet. My mom somewhat trusts him, with me at least. My dad, not so much; he wants him to suffer a cruel fate, one that involves not being able to touch me again. I go back to the window again and give one last look at him, he's still peacefully resting from this hell of a night. I notice the weapon sitting beside him, and the noose further up. I have to do something about those, I already got rid of the matches and razor and threw them in the trash. He doesn't know it, but I'm helping him. But it feels like the gun and noose are going to be harder to get. Unless.

I appear in the backyard, using my new 'dead' ability I've found myself fond over. I sit beside him, observing the look on his face; the emotionless look of his sleeping face. It was cute but at the same time upsetting for me. How could I let him go? How could I make him feel like this? I can feel tears slowly drift their way down my face. Me being in his presence for the second time in one night, it was so surreal. I place my hand on the side of his cheek, brushing it gently. This was one of the happiness moments in a long time being in this house after the tragedy with my mother, even if it was his fault. I smiled at my sleeping love, trying hard to not wake him up. I look over at the gun, sitting innocently on the counter, waiting to be used. I desperately want to take it and crush it into smaller pieces with a hammer, but I think. No doubt he'll think of crueller ways to punish himself if I take it. But the noose, on the other hand, I need to take that, he'll just die over and over, and I won't have that.

I sit quietly next to him, watching him as he snores peacefully in his slumber. I take the noose from the counter and hold onto it, growing more teary-eyed as I picture my Tate using it. The thought crushes me like a boulder, on an ant. I would tear my own heart out to stop him from doing anything more, but I know I don't have the courage to do it. I kiss him on the head and disappear back into the house, eyes not leaving him.  
"I'm sorry, Tate. I love you."


	5. Torturous Voices

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tate is left alone, again. With Violet refusing to see him, he begins losing his mind for the second time. Violet's words; "You have to pay for you've done" echoes in his head. He begins to listen. Tate begins self-mutilating the last of the hope remaining in his spirit. Will he continue his self-torture? Or will people he least expected to care, save his life? Based after the Finale.

Tate's POV

I wake up to the sunrise In my eyes and the sound of birds chirping in the trees. I don't remember precisely when I drifted off, but I didn't care. I rub my sore, tired eyes. Even with my exhaustion, I still didn't sleep well. I haven't slept well since Violet banished me from seeing her. I lean over to the gun, gripping it and stuffing it in my jacket pocket. I wipe the hair from my face and stare down at the counter I somehow slept on, then moving to the non-existent jacket and shirt sleeve. I'm so stupid and full of false hope. I doubt she is ever going to help me, I don't deserve it. I look over to the house as I hear the door open. It's Moira, holding a tray of fried eggs and bacon on it.

"Moira, you didn't have t-"  
"Shhh, it's okay child," she says, quieting me and waiting for me to eat something. Sure, I don't exactly need food but it's the thought that counts.  
I look down at the tray, then her. "Thank you."  
She smiles at me in delight, then walks out back into the house. She's been the one looking after me for the past week and a bit, and it does mean a lot. I've always been close to Moira. I think it started with our mutual hatred for Constance, and then the secrets she shared with me about her killing my real father. Lies. So many lies. Then she got with Larry, the prick that made his wife burn she and her girls to the ground, and, possibly killed my brother In cold-blood.

I pick up the knife and fork Moira provided with a well-made breakfast. I cut up the egg and place a small piece in my mouth, chewing it slowly. I look at the counter again. Wait? Where's the fucking noose?!  
"Fuck," I say to myself, mouth still full of food.  
I continue eating until I've finished entirely. I get up and take the tray to the veranda, before placing it on the table near the door. I clean the tip of my lips with my thumb then begin walking around the yard, looking for the noose. Another thing disappeared? There's no witches or any shit like that here, things can't just disappear.  
"Fucking hell," I blob to me.

I shake my head in irritation. I can feel it happening again, the voices, they're back again.  
You seem lost, Langdon.  
"Shut it, asshole."  
She was there, you know? While you slept. She took the noose from you, only so you'd find more punishing acts to commit yourself to.  
"Lies! Stop!"  
C'mon, Langdon. Put the gun to your head, pull the trigger. You know you want to.  
"GET OUT! Get out of my head!"  
We're not in your head! We're you, this isn't someone else's thoughts. These are yours, we're telling you to do it because you want to.

I pull the gun out of my jacket and hold onto it, the strength of my grip close to crushing the entire thing. Maybe they're right? She did do it. Does she hate me that much? To make me think of more creative torture techniques? No, no, no. I don't believe it.  
Step two: You put the gun to your head. You want to know what the students felt like, the ones YOU murdered. Monster. Beast. Freak.  
"Shut up!" I place the gun to my head, not thinking. "I'll kill you too."  
I doubt that, Tate. We die when you do, and you can't die.  
I grind my teeth together. I hate the voices. I hate me. I hate what's left of my life.

"Tate?" a hard voice says from behind me.  
My head turns to see who the voice belonged to. My eyes managed to clear long enough for me to tell who it is. The large masculine man stands with three women. All of their faces look shocked and highly concerned, but I didn't care. I eye twitches with anticipation. Ben stands beside Vivien and Nora, Moira stands In the background with the tray in hand.  
"Tate," Ben says, arms reached out to assert he's not a threat. "Tate, drop the gun."  
"No," I point the gun at Ben, again, not thinking about anything.  
"Tate!" Vivien screams.  
"No Vivien," Ben says in a calm voice. "It's okay, Tate. I'm here to help."  
"Nobody can help!" I yell.

Violet's POV

I wake up to the sound of screaming and yelling out the backyard. My body rushes to the window from the bed, not caring that I was still wearing my pyjamas. I look out the window. It's Tate, with the gun he had, pointing it at my dad. My dad doesn't seem worried that he's in danger, strangely enough, more about Tate. His eyes look dark and dangerous like he's someone else. His blonde locks lie on his face, which looked angry and hurt. Oh god. I have to get down there. I see mouths moving but quiet enough that I can't hear properly. I open the window to hear what their saying.  
"It's okay, Tate. I'm here to help."  
"Nobody can help!"

His voice is disruptive and angry, somewhat close to beastly.  
"You can't help me," he cries out, causing me to begin to cry.  
"Yes, we can, Tate," my mother says.  
I see Tate begin to shake his head crazily, what the hell is going on in his head.  
"My child, it's going to be okay. Believe me." Nora sighs, trying to get close to Tate, who steps back instead of aiming the gun at her.  
"Please, Tate," Moira says, clearly trying to reason with my Tate.

"No!" he screams.  
That's it. I can't stand it, I need to get down there.

Back to Tate's POV

I feel like I'm crowded. I can't breathe properly, It feels like the world is caving in on me. Why did any of them care? What do they want with me? Everyone Ben has said is bullshit, this is out of pity. He'd shoot me himself if he got the chance. And they have no idea why I did the things I did. It was all for Nora, all of it was for her!  
"You don't care," I spit aggressively. "None of you do!"  
"Yes, we do," Vivien says. "We've all been mad. But Tate-"  
"No, no, no!" I scream. "No!"  
"Tate!" Ben yells. "Look at me. Look at me. I'm going to help you. I promise."

He lies to you, Tate. He promised last time, but he didn't live up to it. He's trying to make you weak, Tate.  
"No! You don't care about me!"  
Ben stops In his tracks, smart enough to not get closer to me.  
"What I said before, Tate. It was all a lie, and I'm not talking about the promise."  
I feel sweat trip off the tips of my locks and drenching my face.  
"You're not a monster, or a psychopath. You're not, Tate! You're just hurt, and I can help you."  
You're not to be near my daughter again!  
"NOOOOOO!"

I own scream makes my ears muffle like a flash grenade hit me. I'm losing my mind and I'm close to telling them to go away, so I may pull the trigger in piece. Nora's hit the ground on her knees and is crying now, Moira is close. I can't control what's happening to me, it's like an outburst of every bad thing that's happened to me. I feel like a child, a stupid and suicidal child, that happens to not being able to die. This is bullshit. All of it. I can't control myself, and if Violet sees me like this, she'll hate me more.

I cry to myself, mumbling things not even close to words while walking back and fourth.  
"Help me," I mumble.  
"That's what we're going to do, Tate," Moira says.  
"NO!" I snap. I don't know what I want, like I said before, I'm not in control.  
I put the gun back to my head, the tears drowning my face, along with the sweat.  
"No, Tate!" Ben yells.  
"Don't do it! Please!" Vivien yells.

"Tate," a familiar soft voice says from the entrance of the house.  
I turn to see her. No. Not her. She can't see me like this. It's Violet; she's teary-eyed and shaking, she's scared for me.  
"Violet," I cry to her, seeing her tears flow down her face. I've hurt her again. I deserve it even more.  
My ears turn off, I can't hear anything. I see Ben, Vivien and Nora's mouths moving, but I cant hear anything at all.  
I look at Violet with my swollen eyes, she stares at mine, I can sense her disbelief and hurt.  
"I'm sorry."  
Her face jolts with worry.  
"No Ta-"  
"ALL OF YOU!" I interrupt my love. "Go away."

I hear all of them scream no. Violet's voice echoes in my head. All of them tried to help me, and I was the piece of shit that let them down, again. I drop to my knees and cry into my shirt, the sweat has stopped but the tears haven't. There's no going back. I have to disappear. It's what they need. A life without me. I put the gun in my mouth and scream into it. I slip my finger onto the trigger. I'm sorry, Violet. I love you. I pull the trigger.

Black.


	6. Weeks Turn To Months

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tate is left alone, again. With Violet refusing to see him, he begins losing his mind for the second time. Violet's words; "You have to pay for you've done" echoes in his head. He begins to listen. Tate begins self-mutilating the last of the hope remaining in his spirit. Will he continue his self-torture? Or will people he least expected to care, save his life? Based after the Finale.

I can't believe it. We searched every inch of this fucking hell for him and, still, nothing. Where the hell is Tate?! Four months. And not even the smallest sign of him. My mind is periling into smaller fragments as each month passes, I miss him like crazy. My heart is broken and my mind Is aching. He really is that far gone, to continue to shoot himself, even when I'm in his presence. I'm sorry. His saddened voice remains to echo in my aching head. I love him so much, and he's broken because of me, and what he's doing to himself hasn't been helping him. I lay down on my bed, fiddling with my multiple layers of shirts, only to distract myself from everything else. My face is stained with dry tears, I've been weeping for the past few months, not thinking he'd be gone for this long.

I hear the door swing open from behind me, but I don't bother to take off my headphones. I close my eyes, trying to block out whoever it is trying to contact me. I turn up my music louder, blocking out everything with Smells Like Teen Spirit by Nirvana. But then again, it doesn't help, the person merely tears the headphones off of my head. It's my mother.  
"What?" I snarl at her, trying to get her to eventually go away. "What do you want?"  
"It's Halloween tomorrow, Violet." Her words send a long-awaited shiver through my body. Is it Halloween already? Can't be?  
"Really?" I ask stupidly, I already know the answer to this question but I have to be sure.  
I feel her hand work its way to my shoulder. "Yeah, really."

I want to get excited, I begin to, but then I realise that Tate is still missing and this will be the first Halloween without him. Where the fuck is he?! His absence is beginning to scare me. Like his soul has vanished from Murder House, and he's reincarnated as someone I'll never get to meet. I can feel myself start to tear up again, and my mother notices, embracing me in a hug in a single moment.  
"Hey, we'll find him. That's why I'm here."  
My face fires up at hers. Does she know where he is? But instead of the news, I'm waiting to hear, she instead asks me a question.  
"Since everyone's going to be out all day and night tomorrow, would you have any idea of any places Tate would be? Anywhere special?" My mother's voice is reassuring and full of hope, she believes we can bring him back. Hell, she even managed to talk my dad into helping Tate be 'good' Tate again.

Her question sends my mind into a charade of thoughts, I beginning trying to imagine the places I went with him. I can't really think of any, but I'm not going to give up. I close my eyes to think harder. My mother is silent and patient, same as she's been since she died, I guess there's no time for impatience when you're dead. But that doesn't change my impatient nature. We never went to any parties together. No dinners. No dates. Wait. There is one place. I look at my mother.

"We went to one place together. He said it was his special place, he went there to think and get his mind off of shit," I pause, thinking about whether or not he'll be there if I try to find him. "But I doubt he'll be there the entire time, I'd have to check in. There have to be other places he'll want to be on his one night of freedom."  
"Well," my Mom pauses. "I guess there's only one way to find out."  
I nod. "What will you and Dad be doing tomorrow?"  
"I and your father will be strolling Jeffrey around L.A. in the day. And then we'll be going out to dinner with Moira and Nora, as a thank you for being there for us and especially the baby. You can join us if you want, sweetheart?" Her proposal is tempting, but I'm going to focus on trying to find Tate.  
"No thanks, dinner's haven't been a big thing for me. I just need to find Tate."

My mother nods at me and smiles, I smile back. She turns around and walks out the door, towards my baby brother's room. But as she exits the room, another woman enters, this time it's Nora. She looks at me with her lovable eyes and smiles, but I can tell she's concerned about Tate, and a little nervous for some reason.  
"Hey, Nora," I smile, hiding the sadness I'm feeling right now.  
"Violet, sweetie. You don't have to hide your sadness from me, I've been dead long enough to be able to know when someone's upset."  
And just like that, she read me like an open book with a giant font, too easy. She walks towards my bed and sits beside me, putting her arm on his shoulder.  
"I really need to talk to you."

Her voice is serious and concerning to me, this is about Tate. I already know that. Seems like I'm not the only open-book.  
"Yeah, go ahead. What's going on?" I ask, playing with my hair.  
"You already know this is about Tate, so I'll just get to the point."  
"Yeah." I nod.  
"I didn't think I'd ever say this, Violet. But Tate is gone, he's lost his mind in the most powerful but destructive path in the world. He's lost himself in love, but he's also lost himself in his hatred for himself for losing you. He loves you so much, and he had reasons for doing what he did, it's kinda' stupid, but I can promise you he had reasons. And the reason I'm going to say what I'm going to say is that I love Tate, he's like a son to me." Nora's voice is so compelling, like an expensive item for half price. She's dragging me with her words, and I want to hear the rest of them.  
"Reasons? What were they?" I ask, curiosity bringing along the question.  
"In all honesty, I didn't know he was doing it because of this, I had no idea until I saw the way he looked at me. All the things he's done; killing Patrick and Chad and," she sighs, breathing in heavily. "Raping your mother. He did to give me a baby, it was all my fault, I kept weeping and weeping, begging to see my baby again. And when I saved Tate's life when he was a child, he must've felt like he owed me."

I can't believe what I'm hearing. Nora's honesty is bringing tears to my eyes, she didn't spare one bit of honesty into the situation. It was all for her. Everything Tate did was to ensure Nora got a baby. He felt like he owed her and he did anything to repay her. So modest, and so ensuring for Nora. He killed Patrick and Chad because they were going to split up, and he did what he did to my mother because my parents were fighting and weren't going to have another baby. His actions were evil and monstrous, nothing changed that, but they were justified. I launch myself at Nora, embracing her in a tight hug, showing how much I appreciated her honesty.  
"Thank you, Nora. I love you for your honesty," I say, tightening the hug.  
"No problem, my child. But can you do one thing for me?" I don't think about her question, I just think about helping her, maybe that's how Tate felt.  
"Yeah, what is it?" I ask.  
"Find him, and save him. You're the only one that can."  
I smile at her, clean my face with the tears that resulted from her proposal.

I watch as she exits the room and closes the door in the process, she must have read how tired I was, because I was going to do that. I lay down on my bed, placing my headphones back on to listen to Kurt Cobain's reminiscent voice. I stare at the ceiling until I finally feel myself drift off to my slumber.

I wake up to the sound of cheers and laughing; that's when I knew it was Halloween. All of the spirits were excited that this day has finally come, and so was I. I wasn't stuck in the house for one day, even though it was only one day, I planned on making a use of it. I was going to find Tate if it was the only thing I'd do today. I walk to my closet and open it. I slip on a pair of black and grey stripped tights up my thin legs, covering my underwear. I then slip on a cardigan, and then two extra shirts for my usual comfort. I then slick on a pair of new socks and my black leather boots. The last thing I grab is the black hat I used to wear to school. I wonder what Tate's wearing. I really hope it's something warm and comfortable, he's probably been out since it hit twelve in the morning. I look at the time before I leave my room; 7:15 am.

I work my way down the stairs but decide not to exit from the main door, it'd be a bit of a confusing scene for the neighbours, probably not Constance the stupid bitch. I see my mom holding my brother, so I head towards them.  
"Happy Halloween, Mom," I say, hugging my mother then kissing my brother on the head. "Tell Dad I'll be back late tonight."  
"No problem, Hun."  
I walk down to the exit from the basement, but I notice something strange. There's a scrabble board out, and some of the letters have been formed into a note, and it's for me.

I'm so sorry Violet  
For everything  
I love you much  
Beach

Tate

"No," I sigh to myself. "No fucking way!"  
He's been down here. The entire time, alone. We searched here fifty times?! I have to find him, tell him it's going to be okay. I have to. If it's the last thing I do.  
I slam open the door of the basement and exit the house, closing the door for safe measures. No kids are coming into the house tonight. I find my way to the street and stand on the walkway, trying to remember the walk to the beach when it hits me. I found my way back, It may take an hour, but I'm going to get there and find the love of my life.  
"I'm coming, Tate."


	7. Facing His Demons

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tate is left alone, again. With Violet refusing to see him, he begins losing his mind for the second time. Violet's words; "You have to pay for you've done" echoes in his head. He begins to listen. Tate begins self-mutilating the last of the hope remaining in his spirit. Will he continue his self-torture? Or will people he least expected to care, save his life? Based after the Finale.

I was growing impatient with how slow I walked, ultimately irritating myself as I walked up the streets I thought I had forgotten. Even with it being early morning, I felt like there wouldn't be enough time to talk to Tate and apologise for sending him away to the dark place that surrounded him, and the thought was managing to tear itself through my head. Time had certainly become a high priority for me, but I couldn't stop thinking about the things I'd say to Tate; and inevitably how he'd react, open arms and clenched fists? This was supposed to be my only day of freedom in a year, but I couldn't enjoy it, not today. I walked past my old school, missing it and, surprisingly enough, the people that went there. Then a terrifying image pops into my head. I imagine the Tate I love going on another shooting spree in rage and sadness, but this time, being already dead, nothing would stop him.

"Fucking hell, Violet," I sigh to myself, trying to think of more suitable apologises to extract to Tate.  
My mind was drowning itself in guilt and sadness, but I stayed hopeful that Tate was really at the beach. Was it him that made the note? Or somebody else? I didn't care. If he was there, I was going to find him, even if I have to spend the last second of my freedom trying to find him. I passed more and more signs until I finally came across one of interest to me, it was only one more mile until I got to the beach. My body wasn't getting tired, but my mind was, it felt like it was being crushed more than the four months without a single sign of Tate, and that was something that destroyed me.

I'm sorry, Violet.  
God Tate's words haunted me for the whole four months without him; his tone was full of so much sadness and guilt, like his mind, was flooding him with memories of his past crimes. Did he have voices in his head? I was useless to help him, stop him from putting that gun to his own head, try to take himself from the hell that was our afterlife. But I'll hopefully have all the answers that I want, an I'll be able to snap Tate out of the limbo his mind lays in. I look at my phone to tell the time; 9:32 am? Really? I begin to walk even faster.

Then it hits me, the smell of the ocean, the sound of seagulls, and the lingering sense of hope inside of me grow stronger. I'm close, very very close. Every step I take, I can smell the sweet scent of Tate's presence, and it manages to change my sadness too, not happiness, but hope.

I arrived at the beach, and it was a quiet as can be, which was weird under the circumstances of the heat. My eyes sweep the dunes of the beach, trying to locate the one person I'm trying to find, but with no luck. Where are you, Tate? The note said he'd be here? Was it Hayden? Was it Chad? No, they wouldn't do that to me. Surely not.  
"Tate!"  
My yell echoes through the beach, still nothing. This is was tearing me to small ass pieces, it fucking sucked. I can feel my eyes start to swell up with tears, but I try hard to stop them from releasing from me, I have to stay focused on Tate. I walk around the beach, trying to remember where Tate's secret spot was, I don't remember much from the night we went there together; only bits and pieces. But then, I see something, or better yet, someone, near the boulders of the beach, I think it was blonde hair.

I race up to the boulders, holding my phone in one hand, and trying to make sure my hat won't fall off with the other. Please be him, if it isn't, I don't know what I'm going to do with myself. I take a deep breathe and look down the sand dune to find him there; walking back and forth, talking to himself, hold a bag of cocaine, and smoking, and by the look of the roll, it wasn't a normal smoke.  
"Shut up!" he screams to himself. I look at his left hand, he was still holding the gun Patrick saw him use on himself.  
"Tate," I say in a soft voice, trying hard not to startle him.  
He stops in front of the fire he made and looks down at his feet, spitting out the joint. What the hell is going on in his head? What'd I do to him?  
Then he looks at me, eyes blood-shot and face looking as traumatised as ever. "Violet?"

I run down the dune and put my arms around his body, embracing him in the most passionate hug I've ever given. I watch him as he drops the gun in the sand and places his arms around me, I can hear him crying while his arms possess me. I look up at him, seeing his face swelling with the tears flowing down his face.  
"I'm- I'm so sorry, Violet. I couldn't see y- I wouldn't have been able to face y-"  
"Shhh. It's okay, Tate. I'm here, I'm not leaving you."  
I pull both of us to the sand, still holding him. His crying hasn't stopped, only worsened. His cries were muffling my ears, making me begin to tear up with him. I hug him tighter and kiss him on the cheek, trying to calm him down a little. I hated seeing him like this, I wanted the gentle and caring Tate I fell in love with back.

His crying stops slowly, but the hugs weren't stopping anytime soon. "Why are you here? You know what I did, Violet."  
"I know what you did, but I also know why you did it, it was all to help Nora get a baby. What you did wasn't right, but fuck it, I can't live without you Tate. The past four months has scarred me. Where were you?" I kiss on the cheek again. "Where the fuck were y-"  
Next thing I knew, his lips were stopping me from talking, but I didn't mind. His lips were so soft that I could taste how much he missed me, and the feeling was like our first kiss all over again, like a re-beginning. But then he pulled back.  
"I'm sorry, Vi. That was inappropriate."  
I look up at him with sweet eyes, not matching the confused look of his. I lip my lips and kiss him again, this time harder. Our lips begin to overlap each others, competing for dominance, and better yet, trying to see if we still had it. I could hardly breathe, but that didn't matter to me, I missed this too much to care.

"Wait, Vi," Tate manages to say.  
"What is it?" I pull back, confused.  
"I don't want this," he says, standing up.  
I choke on his words. "What?"  
"I don't want you to be a monster like me, Violet. You can't, it's-"  
"Tate," I sigh, interrupting him. "You're not a monster!"  
"I killed fifteen students in a fit of rage and drugs, I set my step-dad on fire, I killed Patrick and Chad for no real reason, I basically fucking killed your mom, and I basically killed you too," he pauses, causing a moment of worrying silence. "So yeah, my crimes will finally be paid off after I use the last bullet."

"Last bullet?" I look at the gun, sitting innocently in the sand. "Tate, how many times have you-"  
"Shoot myself? Eight times. I ran out of places to shoot, so I'll have to recycle methods for the last time."  
"No Tate!" I scream at him. "There won't be a 'last time' with you, I won't let you. And you can't say go away out here."  
He just stares at me. He knows I've won the argument, and he knows there's nothing he can say that'll change my mind.  
"You didn't kill me, Tate. I killed myself. You can't do anything about the things you've done but, sincerely, apologise for what you've done. My parents have accepted the situation and have forgiven you for what you did. There's nothing else you can, but get rid of the gun and stop punishing yourself."

There it was again, the silence of the beach. It was menacing but clear and beautiful, like the waves that were crashing directly in front of us. I didn't know exactly what to say to Tate, but I wasn't going to let him win.  
"Vi-"  
"No Tate!" I scream. "No more hiding from me, no more self-punishing, you're going to come home with me. Please, don't make me kiss you to make you."  
My little comment managed to make him smile, which was a beginning, a start to something so far away from his grasp. Happiness.  
"You once said I wasn't attracted to the darkness, but the darkness itself. What am I now? Who am I now? Because, frankly, I don't know anymore."  
Was this a trap he'd planned all along? Or a serious question? The only way I was to know, was to answer honestly to Tate.  
"In all honesty, Tate."  
"Yeah?" he sighs, shaking in anticipation.  
"I think you're hurt. And it's all because of me sending you away, alone. I'm so sorry, Tate. I love you so much, and the last thing I want is for you to not sleep beside me every night. That's how much I care about you. I mean, fuck Tate, you were going to kill a kid, just so he could make me happy. Sure, romantic isn't the word I'd use, but I love you, Tate Langdon!"

And there they were again, those fucking chocolate eyes staring again, digging through my whole body. He was walking towards me, his eyes not leaving mine at all.  
"Tate. I-"  
"Shut up and kiss me, Violet!"  
His lips shut me up again, but this time, his kiss was more passionate than the previous ones. I engorged every inch of the kiss, like a sponge absorbing water. My eyes fluttered shut in relaxation, and I place my arms around his shoulders, steadying myself against the kiss. In this moment, I couldn't care less about anything else, just him, and him alone.  
"I love you, Violet Harmon." His nose softly lays on mine. "Please stay with me, here, only until night."  
"I'd love to." I smile.


	8. The Terrifying, Relieving, Familiar Face

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tate is left alone, again. With Violet refusing to see him, he begins losing his mind for the second time. Violet's words; "You have to pay for you've done" echoes in his head. He begins to listen. Tate begins self-mutilating the last of the hope remaining in his spirit. Will he continue his self-torture? Or will people he least expected to care, save his life? Based after Finale.

I can't believe Vi has stayed with me all day. She could have done anything with her one day of freedom, but she decided to spend her time with me. We've spent all day talking, cuddling and walking beside each other at our spot, something we both seemed to love equally. We were now cuddling together to keep warm near the rocks of our spot, near the fire we decided to build. I really couldn't be any happier than I am right now, to spend Halloween with the only person I love, but I feel like I forced her to stay with me.

"Vi?" I say, bringing her closer to me.  
"What is it, Tate?" she asks, looking for cute and innocent.  
"You know, you didn't to spend all day with me."  
She leans up and stares at me, I could sense the confusion in her mind.  
"Didn't you want me to?"  
"No, no, I wanted you too! Damn, I'm so glad you did. But I don't want to feel like I forced you to," I paused. "That's the last thing I'd want."  
She leans in and kisses me on the tip of my nose and smiles. She is so beautiful.

"What time is it, anyway?" I ask her, kissing her on the cheek from behind.  
She pulls out her phone from her jeans and leans closer to me. "Oh fuck. It's 10:34 pm."  
"Do you want to go?" I kiss her cheek again and again.  
"My parents finished dinner with Nora and Moira at ten, and the whole house is planning a Halloween party at eleven. So I'm already late, Tate."  
I sigh at her. I want to pull off a sad puppy face, but I know that will just make her feel bad. So I leave it alone.  
"Alright."  
"Alright?" she smiles.  
"Alright."  
She gets up and brushes the sand the sand off of her ass, something she lets me watch to my delight. I don't want her to leave, but she's already late and it's a hell of a walk back to the house.

"Aren't you coming with me?"  
I just stare at her, trying hard to hide from her that I'm still a little on edge.  
"Tate?" she asks again. "You coming?"  
"Nah," I say, staring off into the ocean, hoping this doesn't upset here. "I'll meet you at the house."  
To my surprise, she smiles at me, accepting that I want to stay home until I have to leave.  
"Promise you'll find me straight away," she demands, crossing her arms. "Promise me."  
"I promise, Vi. Now, come here and give me a kiss before you leave."

I get up off of the ground and take her in my arms, placing my lips against hers. I know I love Violet Harmon, and I know I'd protect her from anything and anyone. I play with her long and luscious hair with the tips of my fingers as my lips battle hers for dominance, like our own private game. But I couldn't help myself but not want the kiss to end. I wish I didn't have to let her go and wait for our next time to meet, the thought drags me back into the dark, but her presence brings me back to the light.  
The kiss parts and her hand caresses the edge of my cheek when she begins to walk away, smiling.  
"I love you, Tate."  
"I love you, Violet."  
And like that, she'd disappeared into the dark, and I was left alone, with nothing but the fire as my only light.

Violet's POV

I walk through the dark. I can feel the soft ground of the sand, so I know I am still to leave the beach. I turn to see that the light of fire still lingers in the distance, Tate was the darkness, but that wasn't necessarily a bad thing. He's the darkness seeking a light, the devil seeking an angel, and I believe that I'm going to help him find the light and keep the angel he has tight in his grasp. No doubt that I love him, he's the only guy that I'd ever love, even if I still wasn't talking to him right now, I'd still love him. It's 10:53 now, fuck, I'm going to be so late for the party. I can feel the cold lowering itself onto my soft skin. The thing about L.A. is its somehow hot in the day, and cold at night, something that's probably the only weird thing I've experienced since I died.

I turn on the torch of my phone to find out where I was standing, which was at the edge of the beach. I could hear screaming and cheering in the distance, probably a Halloween party organised by the high school students of my old school, a party I would have attended if I wasn't, you know, dead. I walk to the parking lot when I notice people hanging around the cars parked, with torches, and crowbars.  
"Oh fuck," I say to myself, quietly. The last thing I want to do Is to deal with a bunch of criminal fucks.  
I walk faster with my head down, trying to ignore everything but walking away from the parking lot. But what about Tate? What's he going to do?  
"Oh, hey girl!" one of the guys say, walking towards me. Fuck!  
I walk faster than before, ignoring the talking until another guy stops me in my path.  
"Where you going, girl? Don't you wanna' have some fun?"

The guy is wearing all black clothing, making it hard for me to see him properly, almost impossible. Next thing I know they're all surrounding me, five guys, all wearing black, and all equipped with torches,  
"And I thought breaking into cars was gonna' be fun! Now we have something better," one guy says, smiling sadistically.  
I'm so fucked. They're not going to kill me, they're going to do worse. I pull the gun I took from Tate from my pocket and point it at one of the guys.  
"Fuck off!"  
"You fucken' bitch! I'm going to enjoy-"  
"Shut the fuc-" I get hit in the head, stopping me from and dropping the gun, but not from trying. "Tate!"  
One of the guys hit me in the leg with a crowbar, causing excruciating pain in my thigh.  
"Shut up! SHUT THE FUCK UP!"  
I slide my hand across my forehead, feeling blood gauzing down it. I'm so fucked.  
And that's when it happens, I see one of the guys putting down his crowbar and unzipping his jeans. I instinctively scream like a woman in a horror movie, begging for someone to come and save me.

Tate's POV

I sit at the fire with my arms crossed over my chest, staring off into the distance that is followed by the sound of waves and seagulls. It's lonely, but also quiet, and I love the quiet. All I can think about is Violet's, everything. She's all that's in her mind; her hair, her eyes, her smile, her skin, and most importantly, her love. But I can feel something wrong like something terrifying is about to go down, like I'm going to do something that will bring out a common enemy. I open my hand and flow it across the edge of the fire, feeling the heat swallow my hand in the beauty it conceals. I already miss her. Like I haven't seen her in centuries, not months. I should have gone with her.

What are you doing, Langdon?  
"Huh?" I pull out the bag of cocaine I hid in my jacket.  
You should be with her. You shouldn't be here, shouldn't be touching that shit.  
"Shut up!"  
I'm trying to help you, not torture you. She's going to need you, soon.  
"What does that mean?"

I hear a loud scream. A familiar one. Violet's? What's happening to her?! If someone's hurting her, I'LL KILL THEM!  
"VIOLET!"  
My scream echoes through the beach, and on purpose. I can feel myself darkening again, like an evil awakening. I taste blood in my mouth, feel it drip from my chest. Here we go again, the hate, the evil, the anger, it all floods me like a broken dam. I screamed, to send my own personal message. I screamed to show Violet that I'm coming to get here. And I screamed, so the poor soul that's hurting my Violet knows, I'm coming for him.

MY VIOLET!

Violet's POV

Nobody's coming. I'm merely hanging onto false hope, something I thought I'd be rid of when I let Tate go for all those months. These guys are going to take turns raping me, and then I'll disappear back to the house at twelve, and they won't know where I've gone. But that doesn't matter, what they're going to do to me will scar me, permanently. I wish Tate was here. I would do anything for him to come here and save me. I'm being held down by one of the guys while the other takes his belt off.  
"Let go of me, you fuck!" I yell.  
"Shut it, whore!" The guy with the belt says.  
"FUCK YOU!"

The guy kicks me in the mouth, making my vision blur, but I can still hear them.  
"Tommy?" The guy with the belt says.  
"Yeah boss?"  
"Anyone around?"  
The guy he was talking to turns around towards the beach. "Yeah. There's a guy standing at the edge of the lot, looking all fixed for Halloween and shit."  
"Go deal with him!" the guy yells.  
"Sure. Hey, dickhead! Wanna' leave the fucken' scene!"

Next thing I know, Tommy is thrown into a nearby car, breaking the windscreen.  
"GET AWAY FROM HER!"  
It's Tate's voice. "Tate! Help!"  
I look at Tate, but it doesn't look like him. He's got tattoo looking markings all over his arms and face, and his eyes are dark and evil looking. I watch as another one of the guys walk towards him with a crowbar, with a look of a killer. The "boss" picks me up off the ground and puts me in a headlock. I can feel a cold metal against my neck, instantly knowing its a knife. I watch as Tate launches the guy trying to fight him to the ground by the neck, and I hear bones break. Another guy launches himself at Tate but is stopped when his neck is gripped.  
"You guys fucked with the wrong girl!" Tate yells.  
"You fucked with the wrong guys, dickhead!"  
Then the guy stabs Tate in the stomach with a knife multiple times.

"TATE!" I scream, watching as the guy stabs him another few times, but to surprise, Tate doesn't flinch.  
"Want to try that a few more times?" he says, scaring me a bit.  
"What the fuck are you?!" the guy yells.  
"I'm the devil."  
Tate slams the guys face into a car window, breaking him through it.  
"Jay!" the boss yells, muffling in my ears. "Kill the bastard!"  
"Fuck this!" the guy screams, running away.  
"Goddammit!"

I turn to see Tate holding the gun I took from him, pointing it at the boss.  
"Let her go," he snarls, eyes clinching at the man holding me hostage.  
"I'll kill her! I'll kill the whore!"  
BANG!  
His grip loosens and he falls to the ground, but he wasn't dead, Tate shot him in the shoulder.  
"Violet?" I look at him, he's changed back to normal. No markings. Back to normal.  
I try to move but I fall to the ground due to my leg. "Tate, help me."

Next thing I knew, Tate was picking me up and holding me close to him. I could feel his heart beating fast and strong; he was terrified of the situation, terrified of losing me. We walked past the man who planned on raping me, and Tate spits on him.  
"I should've have killed you."  
Tate holds me even closer to him, kissing me on the forehead as we walk out into the street. Tate's breathing is so heavy that it's hard to find a rhythm to it. I feel so safe, but worried knowing that he was still bleeding from the stab wounds; we don't heal as quick out of Murder House. I look up at him, his face is so serious and worried, so I kiss him on the neck to calm him while we make our way back to our safe haven. He saved my life. Tate Langdon is my hero.


	9. Forbidden To Turn Back

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tate is left alone, again. With Violet refusing to see him, he begins losing his mind for the second time. Violet's words; "You have to pay for you've done" echoes in his head. He begins to listen. Tate begins self-mutilating the last of the hope remaining in his spirit. Will he continue his self-torture? Or will people he least expected to care, save his life? Based after the Finale.

The night was as cold as the events that took place about twenty minutes ago, but my mind was elsewhere, focusing more on the beauty that was laying in my arms. If it wasn't for her, all of those guys back there would have been dead. I would have easily killed every single one of them, brutally and without even thinking. But what happened had happened, and I was more focused on getting Violet back to Murder House. She breathing was calm, but she was cold, snuggling up to my blood-soaked body for warmth. I was slowly healing, but the blood was still everywhere, something I feared would make her uncomfortable.  
"Thank you," she speaks, startling me a little.  
I couldn't help but smile at her, kissing her at the top of the head without thinking.  
"Sorry," I immediately say afterwards.

I could feel her eyes stalking me like a wolf, digging their way into my head, and my soul. I don't understand how I managed to survive those four months without her, hiding from her like a pussy. It ridicules me, how she still managed to have hope. For me? For the boy who raped her mother and basically killed her. It was a puzzle in my eyes.  
"Why are you sorry?" she asks me, her eyes still on mine as we walk down the street.  
"I didn't know if you wanted me to do that, so-"  
"Tate." Her voice interrupts me, but I didn't mind. Her voice was so soft, like an angel. My love for her seemed so forbidden. Like good and bad trying to mix together, but with a lot of complications.  
"You don't have to ask me to kiss me, ever."

I just nodded at her and smiled. "Alright."  
We were walking in pitch black, but I knew this area like the back of my hand, so we were safe. We could both hear partying in the distance, people yelling and screaming in joy. It was Halloween, and this night had become more productive than I thought. I reunited with my Violet at last, got into a fight with those fucking men that were going to hurt her, and now I was taking her to the house we share with many others. Beside Violet being in danger, this night didn't turn out as bad as I thought it would have been. But I couldn't help but know that wouldn't have been the case if she didn't show up in time. Otherwise, I would have been high on all the drugs I brought to the beach, and probably, visiting Adelaide.

She was quiet. I didn't know why until I looked at her. She was asleep, in my arms. I still couldn't believe that she forgave me, after everything I'd ever done. Why? I don't deserve her forgiveness, even when I was begging her to not leave me, I still didn't deserve it. The way she looked at me last Christmas, the way her smile changed to hatred. It hurt me, hurt me a lot. It felt like my wrists were being cut without even having to hold the razor, but I guess, I did deserve to suffer.

That's when we got to the street, the street Murder House belonged to. It was still far away, but because Violet was still fast asleep in my arms, I didn't give any fucks. She was quietly whining in her sleep, which I found admirably cute. I missed this, I missed her. I missed how things used to be, and I wish I could take back all the mistakes I made. I loved her, I knew I'd never stop. Not if it was the last thing I did, somehow. But I thought about the situation the further and further we walked, and I believed the only way she could have been completely happy, is if I was to leave her life altogether. And the closer and closer we got the gates of the house, the harder and harder it was to think that way.

We finally got to the gates, and the house looked like nothing I'd ever seen before. The lights from inside were glowing like fireflies, music was playing. It didn't look dead and what a Murder House should, it was peaceful and so full of life. A sight I don't think I'd ever forgotten. I slowly opened the gate, trying very hard not to wake Violet up from her sleep. The gate winged open, causing the slightest creaking sound, but not loud enough to wake her. I walked around the house and into the backyard, looking for the swing-chair Moira had found in the attic to which I found easily. That's when I began to do one of the hardest things I've ever done; I began to place her on the chair.

But she jolted up in an instant, gripping my arm with her strong ghostly grip, which startled me.  
"What are you doing?" her voice is soft and heart-breaking.  
"I-"  
"Tate." She interrupts me again, but this time, her voice was breaking and serious. Her face was full of confusion and anger. "What were you doing?"  
That's when I take a few steps away from her, small and steady steps.  
"I don't need to remind you of what I've done. It doesn't matter what I could do. Nothing will change, nothing."  
I could tell my words were echoing in her head, over and over. Because she was silent, as silent as can be.  
"Tate-"  
"No Violet. I've hurt people. I hurt the people at my school, their families, Patrick and Chad, your mother, and you. I can't, I won't live with that. And I don't plan on bringing you down with me because that will cause you more pain than if I left."

"Then don't."  
Next thing I knew she was in front of me. Right in my face. I could feel her breath on my face, the warmth of it.  
"Don't bring me down with you. Don't leave me alone. You can't! You wanna' know why?! Because I WON'T LET YOU!"  
The way she spoke. Her tone, her everything. It was like I was forbidden to turn back. Her yelling was startling but sexy and amazing. She cared about me, more than I could have ever thought.  
"And don't tell me It'd be less painful if you left because honestly, I'd just be more scared. Not knowing where you are and what you're doing, it would hurt me, Tate! You are the darkness, but I love you! YOU'RE ALL I NEED!"

That's when the door opened, quickly and worrying. Then there they were, the three people I was so terrified to face, the ones I probably affected the most; Vivien, Ben and Nora. The music from inside sounded louder with the door open, and I could see Patrick and Chad inside, talking to others. Patrick turned, seeing me and the others in front of me, gulping hard on the wine in his hand as his eyebrow raised. I tried my hardest to keep my eyes away from the Harmons and Nora, but it was difficult, extremely difficult.  
"Tate? Violet?" Vivien says, looking at the two of us. They must've heard the yelling.  
"Hi, mom," Violet said while I remained silent, her eyes moving from her mother to me.  
"Tate?" Ben said briefly. "We need to talk."

Here we go. The moment we've all been waiting for. It was like a trial in a courthouse, I was the criminal, while Vivien and Ben were jury and executioner. Ben closes the door slowly. I could feel my heart pounding in my chest, I was afraid this moment was going to happen. This is one of the many reasons why I stayed away from Violet. The guilt was consuming, and facing the wrath of her parents was terrifying if anything.  
"Nora told us," he says, pausing afterwards.  
"She told us why you did what you did," Vivien finishes.  
What were they talking about? What did she tell them? I turned and looked at the sad looking Nora, and I couldn't help but wonder what was going through her head.  
"Yeah?" I say, unsure of what else to do.

Violet stood up and crossed herself beside me, arms around my waist. It shocked her parents, and Nora, who was basically my caregiver.  
"Mom. Dad. I have to explain something first."  
"Violet, we-"  
"He saved me, Dad!" she yells, interrupting him. "I was walking home from the beach, where I found him when I was attacked by men. They were- they were hurting me, and they were going to rape me."  
"What?!" Ben screams, teeth grinding together like an animal. Vivien had her hand over her mouth as she began to tear up.  
"Yeah. And guess who came to my rescue? Tate. He attacked those men and managed to save me."  
She gripped my shirt and lifted it, revealing the faded but disappearing knife scars and the blood stained on my pale skin. "See that? That's what he suffered just to save me!"

I couldn't say anything. I was so caught in the moment. Violet's explanation concluded with silence between everyone. I couldn't but stare at her in shock but relief. I once told her I wouldn't let anything or anyone hurt her, which included myself. But here I was, standing in front of her parents like a prom date, terrified, and in all honesty, about to disappear.  
"Tate?" Nora asks, staring at me. "Is that true?"  
"Yes," I say simply. "It is."  
That's when the felt it, the grasp of Vivien against me. It stunned me. She was- she was hugging me. I felt disgraced by her hug, not because of her, but because of me, and what I had done to her. I felt ashamed to be in the grasp of someone who had suffered a lot way before what I did, because, I caused her even more pain, and basically killed her.  
"Thank you, Tate. Thank you so much!" Vivien says, her hug tightening as I embrace her back awkwardly. Ben didn't look impressed at the hug, so I kept it brief and distant.

"Dad?" Violet says quietly, eyes flickering from me to him. "Please listen to this part. Please."  
I was curious as to what she was going to say next. The situation was already tense and terrifying. So whatever Violet was going to say next, I felt like it was going to bring fuel closer to the fire.  
"Fine, talk."  
"Neither of you have to remind me of what he did. I know what he did, but you heard what Nora told you. I believe it, and I've never ever heard Nora lie! She's trustworthy and always honest. Dad? Mom? I need Tate more than anything. Four months without him could have killed me if I wasn't already dead. And I don't care what you guys say after this, but, I love him. I love Tate. He's the only person in this entire house that will make sure I don't lose my mind, and if you guys are willing to let him repeat what he was doing to himself four months ago, I'm not sure if I can deal with you."

What the fuck? She just- she just told her parents that she loves me. She told the people that once hated me and wished I never existed that she loved me? Four months without me could have killed her. Those words repeat in my head like a broken record, echoing over and over. I stare at Violet, a tear slowly finding it's way down my cheek as a give her one of the rarest things that ever happen to me; a smile. I push my golden locks from my face to clear my view of the others, who were as shocked to hear those words that sprung from her luscious lips. She really was an angel, her kindness and love were like a drug to me, but better, healthier and a lot easier for my body to take. The last thing I had to wait for, was her dad's reaction.

Ben took in a deep breath before speaking. His deep breath was a sign that he was thinking about what to do next like he seriously wasn't ready for what Violet said before. But he seemed unsure as to what to say to her, so instead, he looked at me.  
"Tate?"  
"Yes?" I reply to him.  
"Do you promise to look after our Violet and care for her no matter what? Make sure she's always happy and looking forward to every day?"  
He voice was strong and crippling to my ears. He really was one of those clique dads, but after hearing the questions he asked me, I intended to answer quickly.  
"Always, and forever."  
"Vivien?" he turned and looked at his wife. "Let them inside, and take them to Violet's room. They both need to rest."

Vivien smiled and her husband's words and took Violet's hand in hers as they walked towards the door. Nora was still staring at me when I walked past Ben and towards her, unsure as to what she would do next.  
"Nora," I sigh. "I'm sorry for being a disappointment."  
She just shook at me and grabbed the head of my head, before kissing my cheek lovingly.  
"I'm just glad you're safe. You saved her, Tate. You did, my child. I'm just so glad you're back with us."  
I smiled at her and entered the party the house had become. Chad was already, somehow, pissed drunk on the ground. Patrick walked into the entertainment room with a glass of water and instantly saw me in an instant. He smiled briefly before tending to Chad as I began to walk up the stairs, not far behind Vivien and Violet. There was no doubt it felt good to be back here and with Violet? It was a combination of the heavenly kind. I watched as Vivien opened the door to Violet's room and let her in before turning and waiting for me. The one thing that weirded me out, was her mouthing the words 'thank you' as I walked past her. Seems like the good I did for Violet, kinda out-weighed the bad.

As soon as I enter the room, the door closes. Violet turns and faces me, her amazing hazel eyes staring into mine. The piercing look brings shivers down my spine and butterflies in my stomach. She loved me. And I loved her. And now here I was, sitting in the room I never thought I'd see again. I was free to be in her life, to wander around every inch of the house without the fear of her seeing me and being disgusted. This was it. Although I still had a long way until I was back to normal, this was a step. The first step to find the happiness and life I wanted with Violet.  
"So," Violet giggles to herself as she smiles at me. "What now?"  
The silence has broken. I'm forbidden to turn back.


	10. Contingency Plans

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tate is left alone, again. With Violet refusing to see him, he begins losing his mind for the second time. Violet's words; "You have to pay for you've done" echoes in his head. He begins to listen. Tate begins self-mutilating the last of the hope remaining in his spirit. Will he continue his self-torture? Or will people he least expected to care, save his life? Based after the Finale.

I had him. I had Tate back, the way he was supposed to be. I had done a terrifying thing I've ever done in my entire life before, telling my parents that I was in love with Tate. I remember my heart shivering with anticipation as I stopped my body from doing the same. I remember the looks Tate were giving me, the loving but confused looks. I also remember my mom hugging Tate as a thank you for saving me, although, that wasn't the craziest part of the night. The craziest part was when my dad allowed him to enter the house, and my room, so that we could both rest.

I watched as Tate slipped a shirt onto his pale torso, staring at where the knife scars used to be. I changed as soon as we'd gotten into the room, and threw out the old and bloody clothes. I didn't mind watching him change, and I'm sure he watched me too. I was sitting on my bed when he moved in front of me, his legs crossed, staring at me.  
"Well," he says. "What you did was-"  
"Was what?" I asked him, splintering in the waiting.  
"It was amazing. I didn't know what to say, especially to your dad. You basically saved my life, saved me from disappearing, again."  
The words began to bring tears to my eyes, but I managed to swallow them down. Because I had to talk to him about something really important.  
"Tate," I sigh to him, feeling his chocolate eyes swallowing me whole.  
"Are you okay?" he sighs back, caressing my chin with his soft hands.  
"We- we need to talk."

I could literally feel the worry falling off of Tate. I was worrying him when I didn't want to, and it was making me worried. He was muddling his wrist in one of his hands, like a child fidgeting when they're in trouble. His eyes weren't focusing anyway for too long, so I knew he was panicking a little.  
"Tate. It's okay."  
"Is it though?" he asks me. "I'm really worried."  
"This is about your safety and the state you've been in for months. I don't want you hurt yourself again, Tate."  
Tate rolls his eyes at me, not in anger, more in disgust of himself.  
"I'm serious, Tate! Don't, ever, hurt yourself again. I hated seeing you like that, and when I saw you holding that gun at the beach, I was scared all over again. Seeing you like that destroyed me, and I know you don't want me to be hurt. So-"  
"Okay," he says, his hand touching my cheek lovingly. "I won't. I promise."

I couldn't help myself. I had to kiss him again, so, that's exactly what I did. I lunged at him, my lips connecting with his at an instant touch. The feeling of his lips against mine was heavenly, and I missed it. He gripped my face and kissed me harder, making my body shake in love. I placed my hand on his shoulder and moved against him in the kiss, bringing us closer together. And that's when he lifted me up and placed my back on the bed. I watched him as he took the shirt he only just put on and put it next to my pillow, slowly finding his way back towards me. I giggled at the feeling of his touch, smiling uncontrollably at him.  
"What's that look for?" he laughed at me, smiling, which made me fall for him more.  
"I was just looking at your eyes."  
"Well," he smiled, more lovingly than before. "You better get a better look then."

He leaned in and kissed me again, moving the collar of my shirt out of the way before kissing my neck. The feeling was indescribable. My body shook as he moved his lips down my shivering neck. He moved back to my lips, to which I joined him in another round of intimacy. I whined as our kissing became harder and sexier, trying hard for my parents not to hear. Even if I parents did hear us and walked in, honesty, I wouldn't care less. The kissing felt like it was happening forever, and I wish it didn't have to end, like, it's not like we had to breath or anything. But that's when Tate pulled away from me.  
"Wait, wait," he said, leaning back onto the bed in a sitting position.  
"What is it, Tate?" I ask him, my hand moving across his chin.  
"I have to apologise to you. For everything, all over again. I'm sorry for causing your family so much pain, for bothering you when you didn't want to see me, and, for what I did to myself. I-"  
"Tate," I kiss his cheek. "It's okay."

I watched as his expressions turned to happiness to sadness all over again. He really was damaged. What the hell happened to him over those four months? I wanted to know but didn't have the guts to ask him, to bring back old and probably horrifying memories back. It wouldn't be a fair trade. Bad memories for the trade of knowledge? Never a great plan. But I had to think of a plan. A contingency plan to help Tate, to take him from the darkness and back into in the light. But I knew it wasn't as easy as thinking it.  
"Tate?" I say to him, catching his attention straight away.  
"Yeah?"  
"I'm going to help you. Doesn't matter what happens, I'm going to make sure you're happy again."  
"I really hope so. I wasn't always like this," Tate explains, growing angry. "It was all Constance and her stupid fucking perfectionist ways. She drove me mad and drug-fuelled, if it wasn't for her, maybe I wouldn't have gone to the school and-"

"Tate!" I yell, snapping him out of his anger. He was easy to control, as long as he wasn't like how he was in the parking lot tonight.  
"Oh. I'm- I'm sorry."  
I gave him a small smile before throwing his shirt at him. "I'll be disappointed, but it's cold so put it on."  
He shook his head and chuckled, showing off those dimples I was so in love with. He slowly slipped his shirt on, staring at me while doing so to tease me.  
"How is it even cold here?" I say, rubbing my shoulders.  
"Because you're Violet Harmon. You're the only person in California that finds things so cold," he joked, making me giggle a little. "I guess it's good I'm here."  
He must've noticed me yawning because he slipped onto the bed and pulled the blanket from it.  
"Get comfortable. We're going to bed."

The way he said "we're going to bed" was so sexy to me. He was no doubt the love of my life because as soon as I laid down on my bed, he placed the thick blanket down on me. He then turned the light off before slipping next to me, his arms moving around me as I pressed against him in the spooning position.  
"Comfortable?" he asked me, causing my face to light up.  
"Of course. Are you, Tate?" I asked him back.  
"This is the most comfortable I've been in what's felt like years. I might actually sleep tonight."  
"I hope you do. You deserve to Tate Langdon, you saved me tonight."  
"Anything for my girl," he whispered in my ear.  
I was his girl now, and he was my boy. It was us against the world now, and nobody could stop us.  
"I love you, Tate."  
"I love you, Violet. More than I can explain."  
I could feel myself slowly dozing off, but because I was beside Tate, I let myself fall into the perfect and peaceful sleep I had long waited for.


	11. Taint

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tate is left alone, again. With Violet refusing to see him, he begins losing his mind for the second time. Violet's words; "You have to pay for you've done" echoes in his head. He begins to listen. Tate begins self-mutilating the last of the hope remaining in his spirit. Will he continue his self-torture? Or will people he least expected to care, save his life? Based after the Finale.

My dreaming was so lucid and peaceful, like the angelic grasp of what heaven could have been. It felt so real; the cloudy scenery, the sound of birds cheering and the presence of many other things. The one thing that didn't make it so perfect, was the fact that Tate wasn't there. His presence was nowhere to be felt or seen in the cloudy world I stood in. I wondered why, he was perfect to me, the one of the kind psychotic but loving boyfriend. But then it hit me, and all of the things he had done flooded my memories like a broken hydrant on a flat street. He was, in fact, a killer. But I said it before to the teacher at Westfield High, a good person doesn't have a bad day and just start shooting people. So still, I couldn't even imagine what type of monsters lie inside of his head, but, I knew Constance was one of them.

But I knew better. The heaven in my dreams was no heaven at all. There's no such thing as heaven here, there's no light at the end of your life, no flushing of memories. Everything that people speak of wasn't true, wasn't elaborated in reality. I knew the things that had taken place condemned me to my eternal life here, but as a ghost. And the scariest thing about that theory was while I was dreaming, I knew that I knew this wasn't the place I really stood in. The clouds turned to blackness, the birds cheering became crows begging for mercy, and Tate's presence seemed lost from me forever. The dream became the nightmare I normally dreamt about: the loneliness, the bitter taste of hell in my mouth, and the darkness surrounding me.

That's when I woke up, gasping and weeping from the nightmare I thought I'd be stuck in forever. The feeling of my bed filled me with relief, but something wasn't right about it, Tate was gone.  
"Tate?!" I yelled, panicking. The lack of his presence was affecting me deeply, causing me to think bad thoughts. Was he gone? Did he leave me? No, no, no. He couldn't, could he? So many thoughts grasped my throat and caused me choke on my own worry and distrust. I felt betrayed by all sorts, hurt and bleeding from inside. The one person who I loved so dearly, was possibly gone, and it scared me. But that's when I hear the door open.

The door swings upon quietly and slowly. I sat on the edge of my bed, shaking with an uncontrollable anticipation. I hear quiet breathing and stable movement, like whoever was behind that door was trying hard to be extremely quiet. But then I say it; the edge of blonde lustful locks edging in the door, the pale hand that grips the door like a baseball before slowly swinging it closed. My heart no longer wept, no longer felt like it was being drilled. Because I knew exactly who it was, who I wanted it to be. It was Tate.

"Oh, Violet. Sorry, I thought you were still asleep." His voice was so innocent and without worry, which was so different to what mine was about to be.  
"WHERE THE HELL WERE YOU?! FOR GOD SAKE TATE, WHERE WERE YO-"  
"Jesus Christ, Violet," Tate interrupt me, his voice sounding freaked out by my snarling words. "I was getting some fresh air, I didn't sleep much last night, so, I decided to get this for when you woke up."  
He revealed the cardboard box strapped to his ribs like glue. The box was something special between us, something we used to always use when we were just friends. He was holding the box for the Scrabble board we used to play.

As soon as I viewed the small, now delicate box, my eyes wet with tears. I could sense the confusion on Tate's face as tears slowly screeched their ways down my cheek. I felt bad for being such a bitch, for not trusting the one boy in the entire world that's actually helped me before.  
"Violet, gorgeous? What's wrong?" Tate says as I feel his hand grasping my own. His delicacy was making me feel tearier but In a happy sort of way.  
"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry Tate. I thought you were gone from me again. I'm crying because I'm a bitch for not trusting you!"  
"Hey, hey! Don't say that, if anything, you're looking out for me. I mean, look at me," he placed the board down then placed his arms out like a Jesus figure. "I'm not exactly the most stable person in the world, in fact, I'm a murderer."

I watched him as he sat down on the floor, his legs crossed like a fourth grader. He seemed so much calmer than normal, so much different then he was four months ago, and I couldn't help but wonder why. I watched as he opened the box carefully, tipping the masses of letters onto the ground, smiling as he looked at me. He looked so adorable, he was like a little puppy, and I wanted to move his blonde lustful locks out of the way and eat him up. His dimples were compelling and luscious, just like his everything else. Even with all of the happiness he was showing, there was something else, deep inside that was eating him. I wasn't completely sure, but I knew him well enough to know something wasn't complete with him. I join him on the floor.

We started a game, setting up the board. We couldn't get a good enough angle that both of us could use it, so instead, I simply sat on his lap to make us both comfortable. I swear I heard Tate chuckle as I sat up against his torso, but I didn't do anything but smile. Tate started, placing an 'I' first. I placed an 'l' in another spot.  
"Gotta' say," he pauses, staring into my eyes. "This certainly beats being in the basement."  
The basement. That's where he was hiding the entire time? I had my thoughts about it, but I was never sure until now. I couldn't imagine it, I didn't want to. I didn't want to imagine the loneliness he had to deal with, the pain he could have caused himself, it felt like a deep cut in my chest, one that wouldn't stop bleeding.  
"Do it," I say.

I needed to know exactly what it had been like to him, to be alone, to be somewhat helpless.  
"What, Vi?"  
"Do it," I say again. "Tell me what it was like, make me feel bad, please!"  
"W- why? I don't want you feeling bad Vi!  
His voice was thunderous and forbidding like. He didn't want to tell me, but as soon as I began to look 'upset', I heard him clear his throat.  
"Fine! Fine! I'll tell you," he muddles to me. "This is- going to be hard."  
"It's okay."

I noticed his facial expression change from upbeat to despairing within seconds. I knew I was going to regret this because I knew his explanation was going to swallow his mind in horrible memories, things he wished he could forget. But I knew Tate, he was never really good at forgetting things, nothing but his death and what he did the day of his death. His breathing wasn't normal anymore. It sounded like he was merely swallowing the air entering his lungs, just to pass it along with no effort. I was both curious and afraid of the words that were about to leave his mouth, but I'd prefer if I knew about his pain, rather than him lock and hide it from me.

"It was crazy. The first two weeks weren't that bad, I had my brother Beau in the basement with me, playing ball with him and talking to him. It didn't seem too bad at first, but, that was before he disappeared from me. Then, I remember it, the loneliness began. I was stuck there like glue, couldn't think straight or sleep. And it just got worse from there, so much worse. Memories of what I did and being shot down by those policemen, it replayed, over and over and over."  
It was just as bad as I thought it would be. His words were slowly stripping tears from my face, but I do anything but continue to play Scrabble as he explained more.  
"I was slowly going insane as the months went by. Punching walls until my bones show, sliding my wrists again, crying and rolling in a ball in a corner, like I was fucking five-year-old. I was being tortured by my own memories, by my own hand. I swear, there's like, another version of me, inside of me."  
His face was drowning itself with tears, tears that were always supposed to fall in front of me. His tears inevitably made mine faster, but, we continued with our game.  
"I swear to god Vi, there's another me in my head, the bad me. The version of me that made me kill those kids, Patrick and Chad, and made me- you know. I'm not using this as an excuse, I promise. But I've had voices in my head, telling me to do things to myself, over and over, like begging or enforcing. Maybe, just maybe, his name is Taint."

Tate kicks the board away from him, causing all of the pieces to fly around the room. He stands up and finds himself in the corner of the room, rolling in a ball as I stand up. He was crying more, but not like any crying I've ever seen. He was terrified, not of anything else, but himself and the things he'd done. I loved him, and I hated seeing him like this.  
"Hey, hey, It's okay," I bring my hand out to him, grasping his. "Listen to my voice, Tate."  
I could feel him calming slightly as his crumpled watery eyes stare up at me.  
"Four months, Violet," he wails. "Four months of loneliness."  
I embrace him into my chest to calm him down, to make him feel my warmth and love. His breathing was slowing enough to allow me to say this.  
"Tate Langdon," I stare down at him. "You're never leaving my sight again. I love you so much, and I have from the very beginning, and I won't stop until I'm dead."


	12. Between Light And Dark

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tate is left alone, again. With Violet refusing to see him, he begins losing his mind for the second time. Violet's words; "You have to pay for you've done" echoes in his head. He begins to listen. Tate begins self-mutilating the last of the hope remaining in his spirit. Will he continue his self-torture? Or will people he least expected to care, save his life? Based after the Finale.

Black. Darkness. Night. I don't know which one I'm stuck in, but I know that this place wasn't Murder House. Where am I? How did I get here? This place is so dark, lonely and frightening. I don't know what it is, and how to get out. Where is Violet? Where is my light? I can feel tears swell in my eyes and my heart aching in my chest. My head is drilling like someone was trying to pick lock their way into my skull. Some people lock their brains away from everyone and throw away the key, but me, my mind is layered in chains, that only one person could ever break, but that person wasn't with me.

"You really thought you were happy?" A voice said from the dark. The voice startled me, causing me to nearly jump out of my skin.  
"Who's there?"  
"You'll never be happy, Tate. You're a killer, killer's don't get a happy ending."  
"Where are you? Come out!"  
"I'm already there."  
That comment caused my heart to beat harder, making my chest to ache more. Who is this guy? What does he want? The voice seems so familiar to me, but I can't put my finger on it.  
"You don't have to think so hard, Tate."  
"How do you know my name?!"  
I'm sweating uncontrollably, but cold at the same time. What's happening to me? Where the fuck am I? Where's Violet?! HELP ME!  
"Tate."  
That voice, that soft familiar voice. It sounded terrified and stressed. It sounded like Violet was in trouble.

I turn and face the direction the voice came from, but nothing is there. What's happening to me? Am I going mad? Well, more than I already was? I grip my locks and almost tear hair out from the stress. I can't see anything it's that dark.  
"TATE!" Violet's voice screams, causing me to run in the direction it came from.  
"I'm coming!"  
"You're not fast enough. You ran track, yeah. But you won't be fast enough."  
"SHUT UP!"  
My sprinting turned to straight up charging towards the noise. This was Violet, this was my true love. I would hurt anyone who tried to harm her, and something in my nerves told me that was about to happen.

I make haste towards the sound until I can't breathe. My lungs hurt, my everything hurts. This place is hell, my hell. This was darkness? Maybe, this was my own mind. Violet once said I was the darkness, so it makes the most sense. I was caught in my own mind, and It was slowly driving me crazy.  
"Tate." That voice, it was behind me again, trying to dig its way into my head.  
"I'd turn around if I were you."  
"LEAVE ME ALONE!"  
"Fine, have it your way."

I hear something spill on the ground, like some sort of liquid. The sound is startling and causes me to turn around, and what I find causes my heart to nearly tearing in two. Violet lays on the ground in front of me, blood spilling from the neck wound sliced across her neck. I sprint to go help her, faster than I ever have in my life, but then, I'm forced to the ground by something.  
"What the f-" I look up. I can't believe what I'm seeing; dark tattoos and eyes, blonde hair. It was me, the me I've been seeing in my dreams. He just stares at me, emotionless, like he was thinking. I look back at Violet, who was long dead, which was causing me to panic. My eyes swell with tears that drop quickly, making me weep at the death of my true love. I turn again to see him, to see my alter-ego, the one that pushed me to kill all of those people, the voice in my head, Taint.  
"Hello, Tate."

I gasp violently, trying hard to breathe. Violet's gone because of me, she's dead, I killed her. My heart aches viciously until I turn, seeing her. Violet was snuggled beside me, her soft hair over her beautiful face. It was all a dream, and as soon as I realised that, the aching of my heart stopped. I was safely in Violet's bed, next to the only person I've ever loved in my entire life. I was probably the most relieved person in the entire world right now. I thought she was gone forever, I wouldn't know what to do if she died, even know she can't. No doubt that I was indefinitely in love with her.

I could feel the masses of sweat I had sweated while having that nightmare, and it's irritating. I slowly slip through Violet's arms, softly placing them on the bed while admiring her beauty. How could someone be so beautiful? Even when fast asleep? I stare at her hazel eyes, losing myself in my love for her. She was perfect, to me at least, but I don't care what anyone else thinks. She's mine, for as long as she wants to be, she's mine. I once told her I wouldn't let anyone or anything hurt her, and I was going to live up to that promise no matter what.

I leave the room quietly, looking at her still, smiling. I was happy, which was something I never thought would happen. No more fears of rejection, although I had more fears than just one. I make sure to close the door extremely quiet, I didn't want to wake Violet up, that would just make her worried. I tiptoe through the halls of the house, slowly making my way towards the bathroom. Everything's probably 'resting', so I doubt I'd bother anybody. Patrick and Chad managed to give this place both power and water, which was nice. I missed having showers, even though they don't really make a difference, the water always feels good, even for a ghost.

The way I open the door is, to my surprise, slow. I wasn't rushed or stressed, I felt like I was just some guy about to take a shower. I felt normal for once, but If I didn't hurry up and get into that shower, there it is again, I'm pushing myself, stop Tate. I shake my head and chuckle to myself, the voice in my head is amusing at times; not Taint, but the other one, the nice one. I close the door behind me, admiring the size of the bathroom. God, I missed this bathroom, especially being in here for hours on end, hiding away the cocksucker. But I was alone now, where I wanted to be. No Constance. No worries. Just me.

I tear off my shirt, staring in the mirror. I view the scars where my ribs are; the long, claw-like mark. The second attack from Nora's, whatever it is, was far worse than the first. Of course, curiosity got the best of me, and I got what I deserved. I could have died, so I was fine with the result, but Constance thought I did it on purpose of course. I was her 'perfect' son, every scar made me more, more, Tainted like I mattered less. Here I am again, thinking about shit that doesn't matter anymore. I have to ignore that shit, so I do.

I slip off my track pants and jocks, then slip into the shower. I turn the water on just hot until I need to cool it down like I used to. The feeling of the warm water is perfect, nearly as perfect as Violet. God, I missed this; the feeling, the sensation, everything about something as simple as a shower. I listen to the water run down the drain, the sound lingered in my ear, I loved it. I let the water drown my hair and watch as the broken hairs flow down the drain with it. I already felt cleaner at first touch of the water. This was one of the most alive feelings ever, but that's before I'm shocked by the feeling of a cold hand on my back.

I turn around, startled. I thought it was Hayden, but my eyes are perched on someone much more, marvellous. Violet stood in front of me, completely naked.  
"Vi- what are you- what-"  
"Shhh, Tate. I was cold, and I heard you enter the shower. I thought you'd be fine with the-"  
"I am, Vi. You just frightened me, that's all."  
I couldn't help but stare at her beauty. My eyes look her up and down, she really was gorgeous. I trusted her, and now I knew she really trusted me. I pull her into a kiss, tasting the strawberry taste of her lips. During the kiss I draw her into the warm water with me, still kissing her passionately. I can feel the water dripping off both of us like a waterfall, finding its way down the drain. I couldn't stop kissing her, competing to see who was the better kisser. That's because I didn't want to, this is one of the most passionate moments of my life, and I could feel the life peering back into me.

We pull away from the kiss, gasping for air even when we don't want to. We could spend all night doing this, but we don't. I kiss her neck instead, sucking and kissing at the skin, causing her to groan. My hands feel up and down her thighs and eventually to her butt. At first, I feel awkward and go to pull away, but she grips my hand, placing it in a more comfortable position for me. I smile at her, staring into her beautiful eyes that were covered in wet hair. I kiss her cheek lovingly and she kisses mine, causing both of us to giggle in love. I feel her hands feel all over me, stopping at my scar, which causes me to shiver. The feeling of her fingers on the thick scar is uncomfortable, but I don't say anything about it.

She looks at me again, but this time with sad eyes. "What happened?"  
"It was Thaddeus that did it, Nora's baby. I guess I was stupid enough to go back to the basement a second time."  
"How come I've never noticed this before?" Her voice was so worried but still beautiful.  
"It's a ghost thing, I could hide it from you when you were alive, but not anymore."  
She turns the water off and walks out of the shower, dragging me with her. I jump over the tub, watching Violet go into the cabinet to get a towel. I'm going to lie, I really was enjoying the view, and she knew it.

She throws me a towel, winking while doing so.  
"As much as I'd hate that to be covered," she pauses, looking down at my junk. "You still need to dry up."  
I couldn't help but laugh at how cheeky she was being at the moment, I'm glad I wasn't the only one staring.  
We dry up together, helping each other in places we can't reach, which was nice. I playfully kissed her shoulders when it was my turn, and she loved that. But there was something bugging me like there was something wrong, so I decided to ask.  
"Are you okay, Vi?" I ask her.  
"Yeah, I'm okay."

I grasp her hand gently, caressing it. It was unusual for Violet to not tell me what's wrong, I never have to dig into her head like I was, so something was definitely wrong.  
"Vi, what's wrong?"  
"I," she pauses, staring away from me for a brief moment. "I was thinking about what It'd be like If I was still alive."  
Her words hurt in a weird way, not because she was the one saying them, but because I was thinking the exact same thing at that very moment. What would my life be like? I'd be older than Violet, too old for her. What would I have? A family? Wife? Kids? What about Violet? Would I even know if she existed? Stop it, Tate, you're thinking too into this. I couldn't help but stare at her beautiful eyes as I ask the next question.  
"What would you want? I mean, if you were older and alive."  
"I don't know, a family maybe. You never really know what you have until it's gone, we're ghosts and we can't have kids."

Violet was so honest about everything; Murder House, life itself, even me. I could always rely on her opinion about anything, and it made me feel safe, and more in love than ever. I let go of her hand so that she could start getting dressed, and I do the same. For the first time since I died, I'm wearing black clothes, everything but a shirt. I loved Violet very much, but I couldn't help myself from thinking I don't deserve her. The only thing that stopped me from thinking that way, was every second I was with Violet. I tried very hard to show her how much I loved her, but I wasn't the best at it.

"Vi, I'm not sure I say this enough, but I-"  
"I love you too, Tate." There it was again, she knew what I was going to say, that unique but malicious smile told me so.  
I watch as she slips on her shirt, staring uncontrollably. Such a beauty she is, and she'll remain that way forever. She turns and looks at me, biting her lip mischievously, then walks to me. I go to slip on my shirt but she stops me, kissing me before.  
"To what have I been given the pleasure?"  
"Oh, shut it," she giggles, rolling her eyes like she does.  
I slip on my shirt when that's when I hear it, the sound of the front door opening. Ghosts can normally hear everything that goes on in the house unless another ghost is stopping them, but I wasn't sure if I was going crazy or not. I look at Violet to see if she was hearing that too, and by the look on her face, she was. Fuck.


	13. The Wrong Choices

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tate is left alone, again. With Violet refusing to see him, he begins losing his mind for the second time. Violet's words; "You have to pay for you've done" echoes in his head. He begins to listen. Tate begins self-mutilating the last of the hope remaining in his spirit. Will he continue his self-torture? Or will people he least expected to care, save his life? Based after the Finale.

It was really happening. For the first time since I was stuck here, someone was actually breaking into Murder House. Who would even want to, it's placed Murder House for a reason. I gripped Violet's hand and we both appeared on top of the stairs, making sure we were invisible. Even when she's dead, Violet still seems so full of fear, which is good, because it shows that she still has emotion, some of the ghosts here have trouble showing emotion or certain ones. I could feel her hand squeeze mine, which was cute, but that didn't stop my attention from leaving the three men in black, scrummaging around at the bottom of the stairs.  
"You two," Vivien says from behind us. "What's going on?"  
"People have broken into the house, Mom," Violet explains, staring back at the men. Next thing we knew, Ben, Patrick and Chad had joined us.  
"I hope they leave soon," Vivien says.  
"So do I," I agree.

The men seemed so surprised by all the stuff still in the house, their eyes were all wide and excited,  
"Holy fuck, guys. Look at all this shit!" One man says.  
"Keep your voice down, we're not here for that stuff anyway."  
"Right, right. Jewelry and anything historically valuable. Okay Mr Scientist," The man says again sarcastically.  
"Guys shut the fuck up!" The last guy says.  
Everyone was being quiet, even though they can't hear us if we don't want them to, we didn't want to break each other's concentration. But that was before Chad started talking.  
"We should scare them off before they try to take anything," he says, holding onto Patrick's arm. "It'd be a lot better than waiting for them to leave."  
"No, Chad, we should wait. They'll leave soon, I swear," Ben said like he does. Ben was like a leader to our kind, whenever something wasn't going right, he was the person to go to, not only because he was loved by people, but also because he was feared. Even I looked up to him in a way, well I guess I had to, I was dating his daughter, he used to hate me, but not so much anymore.

My attention went back to Violet, who was as quiet as she could be. Then it finally hit me; these guys are similar to the ones that attacked her, that's why she was so afraid of them. I squeeze her hand to catch her attention, which worked like it always does, god I love the feeling of her soft hands.  
"Hey," I say to her, staring her right into her hazel eyes. "Are you okay?"  
"Yeah, I'm fine. I just want these fuckers to leave." Her voice was crackly like it was hard for her to say that, I know it was.  
"So do I."  
At the corner of my eye, I see Ben and Vivien staring at Violet and me, smiling. I guess they really have forgiven me? I haven't hurt Violet, I won't. It'd rather die I thousand times over than hurt her, although, I already have. Moira joins us also, staring at the three strange men like she hasn't seen one in a long time, not a live one anyway.

The men weren't really doing much; one was watching the door, and the other two were probably looking around for the entrance to the basement, which was locked anyway. Probably the most boring thieves ever encountered. These guys reminded me of the people I used to have to cope with in high school, and they were all the same; they had bad lives and decided to take it out of other people. I wasn't like that, I used to take it out on myself; cutting my wrists, taking weed and coke at the same time, it wasn't until I lost Beau, that I lost it somehow. I'd lost myself in the darkness, and I managed to ruin the lives of many families, including my own. These guys were reminders of that, and I hated their presence already, I wanted to force them to leave, but that wasn't going to work.

"Where the hell is Nora?" I ask everyone, staring at the top of the stairs.  
"No idea, Tate," Chad said, his eyes avoiding mine. He was talking to me, which was progress, but he still didn't like me. I don't blame him, I mean, I did put his head in a pot full of apples and then broke his neck. Not exactly the best first impression if you ask me.  
"Has anyone seen Nora?" Ben asked everyone, saying it a little too loud, loud enough for those men to hear.  
"What the fuck was that?" the man at the door says, causing all of us to stare at them, thank fuck for being ghosts.  
We weren't sure where Nora was, which was making me worried. I loved Nora like she was my mother, and her being one the most unstable of us ghosts, and us not knowing where she was, was making me extremely nervous.

"What do we have here?" One of the men says, staring in the direction towards the kitchen. No. Not her, how can they see her?  
Nora sits on one of the chairs, her beautiful blonde hair laying down her wet looking face. Was she doing it again, looking for her baby? That's why they can see her because she wants them to because she wants them to help her find her 'baby.' Fuck, fuck, fuck. Nora, C'mon, disappear, please.  
"Look what we scored, boys."  
"Fuck you, you guys didn't "score", touch her and I'll kill you," I say to myself, loud enough for Violet to hear.  
"Tate," Violet says, letting go of my hand. "We have to do something."  
I couldn't help the aggressive thoughts that were flashing through my mind, I had a justified reason to have them. "I know."

God dammit, Nora. What are you doing? These people aren't like us, we can't talk to them. What is she doing? Oh god, I swear I can feel my anxiety coming back, ghosts shouldn't have anxiety. The fact that these men are the ones that attacked Violet, makes me want to hurt them, badly.  
"What is Nora doing, Tate?" Ben asks me, staring me right in the eye. Fuck, I hate when he does that.  
"She's hallucinating again, she's looking for her baby."  
"Shit, we have to something," Patrick says, looking at the three men who were making their ways towards Nora.  
"I'll do something if it comes to it, I swear, nobody's going to get hurt. I won't let anyone."

"My baby!"  
I look over to where the voice came from, it's Nora, screaming hysterically. Her baby. That thing in the basement isn't her baby anymore, and she needs to know that Thaddeus isn't her son anymore, she has a new one. But I can't blame her, I know what it feels like to lose someone precious to you, I've lost Beau and Addie. The men are getting too close to her now, I'm going to snap soon if one hair on her head is even scraped, I will lose it.  
"Have you seen my baby?! Help me find my baby!"  
C'mon Nora! Walk away, disappear. DO SOMETHING!  
"MY BABY!"  
"Yeah yeah, I have your baby!" One of the men says, stepping forward with one big swipe.

And that's when he did it. It was so unexpected that nobody could have done anything to stop it, nothing at all. Everything was closing into that single moment, all the anger and anxiety was built for that. He did it, he fucking did it, nobody else in this filthy god damn horror show would do it, and somehow this excuse of a man slapped Nora across the face. He slapped my mother, the slapped one of the two people worth giving a shit about in this world, and I could already feel the darkness take over. I could feel myself falling to my anger like normal, slowly falling into the midst of violence. I could feel my body go numb as the darkness consumed me, and when I look at my hands, I see black tattoos form on my skin. I stare at Violet, watching her eyes turn from worried to scared. I see the reflection through her eyes, and there it is again, the dark tattoos of my nightmares have come back. The rage kicks in, and a mood to kill these guys is so sudden. Not again, Taint is back.

I let myself be seen, and I walk to the stairs, ignoring the voices calling out from behind me. I stop at the top of the stairs, staring down at the men grabbing Nora. This is it, the time to show this man, what true fear really is.  
"GET AWAY FROM HER!"  
My yell instantly catches the attention of the men in black, which was what I wanted. Nora manages to find herself away from the grip of the man that hit her, which is good, she doesn't have to be a part of what's about to happen. I head down the stairs.  
"Is this your piece of ass, boy?! Well, not anymore."  
His words just add more fuel to the fire, well, in this case, more lava to the volcano. These guys just don't know when to stop talking, and acting; first Violet, now Nora? These guys are asking for trouble.  
"SHUT UP!"

I launch myself towards one of the men, grabbing him by the throat tightly, tight enough to stop the breathing of anyone. They asked for this, they deserve this, I will make them pay. I lift the man off of the ground, showing them the strength an angry teenager like Tate Langdon can hold. I feel the man's breathing begin to stop altogether so I throw him to the ground, knocking him unconscious.  
"Who the fuck are you, boy?! What do you w-"  
"I want you to leave this house!" I yell again, waiting for one of the men to attack me.  
I stare over at the stairs, the others are gone? Where are they? My focus goes blind as one of the men attack me, hitting me straight in the jaw with a crowbar, knocking me to the ground. My vision blurs, but not for long. I can see the same man walking towards me again, holding the crowbar up for another swing. They won't kill me, not permanently anyway. I prepare myself for the blow, but it doesn't happen, instead, a plate breaks next to me.

"What the fuck was that?!" the man says, staring around the room.  
"Who else is this prick?!"  
Another plate appears from the dark, hitting the man with the crowbar in the chin. Two more appear afterwards, giving me more than enough time to clear my head, but Violet appears in front of me.  
"Tate, get up! Nora needs you! I love you, just get up!"  
Violet loves me. Nora needs me. I have to get up!  
I turn and grip the man's leg, twisting it until I hear a crack, and a scream after that. The man hits the ground like a stone and I turn, looking at Hayden and Patrick, who throw me a plate each. I catch the plates and smash them on the man's head, knocking him unconscious as well.

I can feel the last man run towards me with an intent for an attack, but then I hear a thump, and I turn, Ben had the last man against the wall by the neck before throwing him to the ground. Ben walks away from the same, disappearing into the dark once again, joining the rest of the group of ghosts. I look at the poor excuse of the man as he tries to crawl away, but I stop him with a jar to the leg. This is it, the moment of truth. He hurt my mother, he hurt her with no second thoughts, so what I do next is what I think he deserves. I grab his hair tightly, pulling it upwards before slamming it down into the floor. I do it a second and third time, watching the blood drain from his face. I know that If I do it one last time, it will kill him. What should I do? Kill him, or spare him?

"He needs to die, Tate."  
"Must I kill him."  
"He needs to die, he hurt Nora, he hurt your mother. What if he did it to Violet, what if his crew actually raped her? What would you have done?"  
"I would have killed them all, every single one of them, their families, all would die."  
"Then make your decision. Kill him, Tate. It's what you do, you're a killer, do what you do."  
Taint wants me to kill him, but I don't know if I could. Fuck, my mind hurts, help me, Violet. I turn to see her again, Violet staring right at me, the anticipation killing her. I know what she wants me to do, so, It's about time I do it.

I let go of the man's hair, dropping him hard enough to cause him to fall asleep. I head straight to Nora, who was sitting in the corner of the room, looking as terrified as ever. I see her shake, and it upsets me. I reach out to her, but she pulls back, and I'm left there staring at my dark tattooed arm. This is it? This is what I've become? A different type of monster? One more evil and uncontrollable than the Infantata and Rubber Man put together, I've become Taint?  
"Tate?" Nora's soft voice says to me, catching my attention.  
"Yes, mom?" It slipped out, I didn't mean it to, but it did. I called her Mom, and now, she knows how I feel about her.  
She slips towards me, kissing me on the cheek lovingly like a mom does. It makes me happy, happy enough that I watch the tattoos drain away from my arm, and possibly my entire body.  
"Thank you," she smiles.  
I feel the soft hands of Violet on my black jacket, and I kiss them lovingly, only to turn and see her smiling face.  
"You saved her, Tate. You saved Nora."  
"No, I didn't," I say, turning to face my new ghostly family. "We saved her, together."


	14. Worthless Status

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tate is left alone, again. With Violet refusing to see him, he begins losing his mind for the second time. Violet's words; "You have to pay for you've done" echoes in his head. He begins to listen. Tate begins self-mutilating the last of the hope remaining in his spirit. Will he continue his self-torture? Or will people he least expected to care, save his life? Based after the Finale.

It's the morning after last night's incident, and somehow I still feel exhausted. I don't feel like getting out of bed, but I have to because I can feel the lack of Violet's presence in the room, which makes me feel worried. But still, I'm too exhausted to get up, which makes no sense, I'm a ghost and I don't really need sleep. Where is Violet? I already miss her like crazy, her eyes, her smile, all of it. Our moment in the shower was magical like it didn't really happen like it was all a very, wanted dream. But where is she at eight o'clock in the morning? Not like we can leave, but I'm happy she's found something productive to do, she's done what others couldn't. I smile stupidly at the idea, but that smile is interrupted when I hear the door.

It's Violet. She walks in with her laptop, slamming the door behind her. This isn't good, by the look on her upset face, it's definitely not good.  
"Violet?"  
"Not now, Tate," she snarls. What has happened to her? Was has ticked her off? Was it me and what I did last night? I don't know, but I want to found out.  
I become silent and just watch her. She looks extremely pissed off, confused, a lot of emotions put into one body in a single moment. It didn't look good, at all. I was upset, not for me at all, but for her. I once told her that I care about her feelings more than my own, and that is one-hundred percent honesty. I would do anything for her, and I think by now, she would know that. I've taken knives, bullets, fire, a lot of things, and I would take that over and over for her. But now she was stressed and seemed like she doesn't wanna' talk about it, but she has to learn that now that isn't an option.

"What's wrong, Violet?"  
"Tate, I said not n-"  
"I know what you said, but that isn't an option, you need to tell. I want to help you."  
I feel like stopping her there pissed her off, but too bad, I needed to say it.  
"Tate, It's this."  
She passes me her laptop, revealing a very undone looking page called "Statuses of People Gone Missing", and to no surprise, she was looking at her own status. I scroll down the page, staring at the different stories like "Violet Harmon. Where are you now?". No wonder she's pissed off, all of these stories are full of lies, some a lot more than others. If I was smart enough, I'd tip them off about the cocksucker and how she 'murdered' the Harmon family. There'd be no evidence, but the blood of my child, it would be half Harmon, which is enough evidence to put her right into jail, rotting away with Larry. But this isn't about me, it's about Violet, and I was committed to making her feel much better, and that's what I'm going to do.

I slam the laptop down, staring her in the eye. I shift it over her drawer and sit up straight, not caring about the fact that I'm not wearing a shirt. I faced her, grasping her hand in mine. I wanted her to know that this was completely serious, no bullshit, no joking around, nothing like that. My plan was to make sure the day was going to be good, and not let a bunch of bullshit like these stories ruin her day like an over-soft pear. Nothing would stop me from helping her, making her day so much more enjoyable, I mean, we're dead, not like our lives are full of happiness and life anyway, but making her day better and being able to make her smile and even blush, that's a day worth living.

The way she looks at me, all watery eyed and worried, it makes me feel upset, that's why I have to change her mood, that's why I have to make her happy. I keep her hand grasped in mine to make her know that I'm being serious but have no intentions of making her mood worse.  
"Violet, all the shit on this page, is nothing. It's worth nothing, it is nothing, the person who made it is nothing, and your make believe status on there is nothing. I know you, and all that shit isn't you. Do you want to know who you are? What you are to me?"  
"Yes." Her voice was reluctant sounding like she doesn't really know if she wants to hear it, I would have told her anyway.  
"You. Are. Violet. Harmon. You're an amazing, caring, honest, loving, beautiful, sexy, gorgeous, and best of all, you're everything to me! I love you Violet an-"  
My talking is silenced when she kisses me, her lips caressing mine in a heavenly touch. If anybody wonders what it's like to be touched by an angel, they've clearly never kissed Violet Harmon, which is good, because I get to keep her all for myself, she's mine.

Our kissing only speeds up, lips again fighting for dominance, but I'm committed to winning this time. I slip over to her, softly dragging her down to the bed, positioning myself on top of her. I kiss her neck, sucking on it while I feel her hands move around my chest. I slip off her shirt, revealing a lacy black bra, god she looks so sexy in it. I move my hands across her stomach, slowly moving down to it.  
"Tate?" she moans.  
"Yeah?"  
"Kiss my stomach, please."  
I smile uncontrollably because I know how much she loves it, how much she loves feeling my hands on her body. "I'm way ahead of her."  
I move down to her stomach, kissing from the top of the chest and slowly moving down to her belly button with my tongue. I hear her moan, which was a good sign, a good sign she was loving what I was doing. I kiss at her belly button, feeling her hands grip my hair tightly. The harder I kiss, the harder she yanks it, and it stays like that for a while, until I start to get over my hair getting yanked. I move my way back to her, but I stop when I see her, staring down at me.

"What's wrong?" I ask her.  
"Do you really love me?"  
Why would she even ask me that? Of course, I do, I love her more than my own existence, and I plan on making my existence worth every second, as long as I'm with her.  
"Of course I love you!" I mean back up kissing her cheek. "You mean so much to me, like, It's- It's hard to explain how much I love you. When I saw those guys, and what they were going to do to you, it felt like a bomb just exploded in my head. I lost control when I attacked them, and If I'm going, to be honest, I really wanted to kill them, all of them."  
"Why, Tate?" She asks me, her voice softer than the fluffiest of clouds. Her voice was angelic, nothing like I've heard before. I mean I had girlfriends before her, but they treated like a puppet, they only wanted me for my looks and fame on the track, but nothing more. I had to tell Violet the truth before it tore me apart, so, that's what I must do.  
"They were going to rape you, Violet. They were going to scar you, permanently. And I wasn't going to just to going to stand around and watch them to that to you! I love you! I love you more than anything about myself, I'm nothing! I'm a monster, I'm something that people will always hate! And If I'm a stone, with a diamond as his girlfriend, the diamond is all I'm going to care about, I could die over and over, and all of that pain would be worth it. I-"

Her finger crosses my mouth, shushing me. I could see the look in her eyes, they were watery again, but this time because of me. What I said may have hurt her feelings, but it's try, they could look anywhere for my name, and there would be nothing. I was a ghost before I got gunned down by those S.W.A.T. members, and I bet they felt nothing from it, nothing from killing a teenager that had just killed some of his fellow students.  
"Tate, promise me you'll never say that again. Please, promise me!"  
It's hard to promise her something that isn't that simple. I hate myself, I'll never stop. But if she makes me, I might have to.  
"Yes, I promise."

She hugs me, making me feel her warmth once again, the warmth I love so much. We lay down together, our shirtless bodies touching. I stare at my beautiful girlfriend, who's smiling uncontrollably, her smile is more beautiful than anything I've ever seen before. She looks up at me, her hazel eyes meeting mine in a single moment of perfection, a perfection I wish would never end. I kiss her forehead lovingly, I feel her body shiver while I do it, a sign that she loved it.  
"I love you, Tate Langdon."  
"I love you too Violet Harmon."  
I guess I could get rid of my self-hate for her, if it makes her happy, I would do anything.


	15. Replaceable

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tate is left alone, again. With Violet refusing to see him, he begins losing his mind for the second time. Violet's words; "You have to pay for you've done" echoes in his head. He begins to listen. Tate begins self-mutilating the last of the hope remaining in his spirit. Will he continue his self-torture? Or will people he least expected to care, save his life? Based after the Finale.

Tate had told me he was going to visit someone but didn't say who, which caused suspicions at first, but that was before I saw him go to the attic. I knew then that he was visiting his brother, Beau, a brother that I was told was treated wrongly due to his deformities. It was wrong, thinking about it all felt wrong, and the fact that his 'mother' treated him that way, made it even worse. Tate treated his brother better than anyone he ever knew, Addie couldn't treat him right, because she was hidden away as much as he was, like a beast locked in a cage. Maybe Constance really was a cocksucker, she told Tate's stepdad to kill Beau and he did it because he was so in love with her, and Tate has always hated her for it, more at least. But all that made me think about the day Tate lost it, it could have been a negative cocaine high, but he was angry; angry at his mother, angry at Larry, angry at the world. Maybe if she didn't do the things she did, maybe if she wasn't so cruel, he wouldn't have been angry with the world, and Taint wouldn't exist.

I contemplated disturbing his visit to Beau, but curiosity got the best of me once again. I wanted to know what they were doing, how Tate spent his time with his older brother, I know it wasn't my place but I really wanted to know. I make my way to the stairs that allow access to the attic, noticing the amount of dust that sunk from the stairs onto the carpet, Moira is going to kill us. I listen out for Tate, but I can't hear anything, which was worrying for me. I place one foot on the stairs, but a loud creaking sound follows it, making me jump furiously.  
"Jesus, fuck, Violet."  
I didn't care that I just talked to my god damn self, the noise frightened me. Wow, I'm such a little girl, Tate would laugh at me if he could hear my thoughts. But that's when it hits me, I'm a ghost, we can appear anywhere in the house. I'm still not used to being able to do this, I completely forget at times, especially when I need it most. But this was Tate, this was my boyfriend, he was always trying to do good but didn't really know how to, not because he was evil, but because he was never really taught. That's why I worry so much and why I have to check up on him because I need to see if he's okay, I love him, more than anything in this entire world, and it pains me to know the shit he's had to face. Tate Langdon didn't just have a bad day to start shooting people, he had a bad life.

I appear at the entrance to the attic, where the peak of stairs stop, and all is quiet. I see Tate sitting with his legs crossed on the ground, rolling a ball towards his older brother Beau, they seem to be playing happily together. I see a small smile on Tate's face, which is something I rarely see, but still, something of great beauty. I love Tate's smile, his dimples, all of it is a combination I just can't ignore even if I tried. He's happy, and I'm glad to see it, it was something he never expressed. I once heard him talking in his sleep, saying horrifying things like he was reliving a nightmare he'd lived before. I looked up night-terrors and what they're like, and they don't sound pretty; it's like the entire world is going super-fast but you're the only one seeing the slow motion, and you can feel that. You scream and cry like a child, like you're being murdered, even sometimes, to the point where you have to be hospitalised. Tate may have these terrors, but probably not as extreme as any human, I'm glad, because I don't think anybody wants to experience that.

"Play! PLAY!"  
Beau's voice is always calm and full of joy, I don't understand how Constance could have been so cruel to him, just because of what he looked like and his mental disabilities, I will never understand that woman. I know how much Tate hates her, well maybe I don't, but I have an idea. Tate wants her to die horribly for the things she's done, I wouldn't blame him if she was my mother, but he shouldn't think like that. Tate's a good person, he's full of anger and regret, more than the average teenager, and the average spirit in this house. I love him, more than I could ever express, and I know who he really is, the sweet and kind person he is, he cares about everyone, deep inside he does, and its moment like these that really tend to show it.

"Alright, alright, Beau. I got the ball!" Tate says, smiling at his brother.  
"Not you play, she plays!" Beau yells at my direction. Can he see me? I swear I'm invisible, he shouldn't be able to see me.  
Tate looks at my direction, but the look on his face seems like he can't see me. Why can Beau see me?  
"Beau, nobody's there," Tate says.  
"Vi-o-let play."  
Tate looks at my direction again, but he seems more determined to see what Beau is seeing. He licks his lips in concentration, which I found cute at the time, those candy-like lips have always compelled me since I first touch them. His blonde curls were covering his dark chocolate eyes as he looked around, but he still couldn't see me.

"Alright, Vi. Come out before I tickle you," he giggles to himself, which somehow compelled me to let him see me.  
I let Tate see me standing awkwardly at the edge of the attic, but his face didn't seem disappointed, warmly welcoming instead. His smile said it all to me, like a message without words, like he didn't have to say a god damn thing to me.  
"Don't be shy, Vi," he laughs, winking at me. "See what I did there."  
I roll my eyes as I make my way to Tate and Beau, not thinking twice about sitting beside my boyfriend. Tate passes me the ball happily and I look at Beau, smiling before I roll it to him. Beau's reaction is such a sight; his cheers and smirks I think will remain with me for the rest of my existence. Tate was smiling too and doesn't stop even when I look at him, which was a rarity in itself. But Tate's smile does stop when he looks away from his brother and down at his feet.

"Tate?" I brush his hand. "Are you okay?"  
"I was just thinking," he pauses, staring me in the eyes. "About bad things."  
"Why bad?"  
"Besides you, and Beau, and sometimes Addie, thinking bad things is all I end up doing. I think about the things I've done, the amount of bullshit I've put on everything here, Constance and her fucking ways, my ways, I think about if her cruelty somehow was transferred to me through genetics, makes no sense I know. I think about how old I would have been If I wasn't killed, how old the student I killed would have been and what their lives could have been. Beau should've lived past me, Addie should've lived a full life, Constance should have taken hers for the well being of her children. She treated Beau and Addie like they were possessions rather than people, without perfection they were nothing to her. Now she has her new 'perfect grandson' and she'll just condemn him with expectations like she did to me, and then he'll just end up the same. Doesn't matter what happened, all of her children were somehow expendable and replaceable, and I want nothing more than for her to feel the same way. I know I say shit like this a lot, but I'm just being honest. Life fucking sucks."

Everything Tate just said I didn't know what to say about it, besides how honest it is. Just from those layers of words, you could tell how much Tate cared for his siblings and what he would have done for them all. Nobody is perfect, nobody, but it's people like Tate that deserve to be. He once said that if there's a heaven, people like me deserve to be there, but now I think the same way he did; I believe that, because of him, this is the better place. The things he's done, the world won't seem to forgive him, but I believe that it wasn't his true-self, like someone else pushed him to do the things he's done. I will never know for sure, but I won't stop believing in him, believing that there is good inside of him, because I've seen it and I know it's in there, and I love that he doesn't stop trying.

"It's okay to think bad things, as long as you don't overthink them. Everything may seem like your world is falling apart, Tate, but I believe that life always gets better. There's always a single spark in life that makes you believe it will change you forever, either for the best or the worst. What I'm saying is you're my spark, and I'm willing to spend the rest of our co-existence together, I'm committed as long as you are and I'll love you as long as you love me."  
"Vi," he pauses again, staring at me. "I will always love you, I waited so long for you to consider forgiving me, I lost track of time. I would do anything, I would wait as long as it takes to have you in my life. You're my everything, sweet angel. I love you Violet Harmon, and not even the devil himself will stop me."  
I go to kiss him, our lips millimetres apart until we hear the sudden grunting voice of Beau.  
"Vi-o-let and T-ate in l-o-ve! VIOLET AND TATE IN LOVE!"  
We laugh at Beau's adorable voice and watch as his smile joins ours. This was one of the many moments I wish didn't have to end, and I couldn't help but commemorate myself for beginning this great memory, by a simple act of my own brand of arrogance.


	16. Somewhere Else

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tate is left alone, again. With Violet refusing to see him, he begins losing his mind for the second time. Violet's words; "You have to pay for you've done" echoes in his head. He begins to listen. Tate begins self-mutilating the last of the hope remaining in his spirit. Will he continue his self-torture? Or will people he least expected to care, save his life? Based after the Finale.

This is one of the most amazing things to see, my mom and boyfriend thick as thieves, even after everything. They were talking without even thinking, constantly joking around with each other and smiling uncontrollably. I've never seen my mom like this, not since she died, maybe, maybe even before that, she's had it rough her entire life, but it seems that it's starting to come better. The smiles, the laughs, all of it seemed so surreal, unlike Tate and my mom, but it's nice, I love all of it. I don't even know what topic they're on anymore, I've lost track of it all, they've been talking too much. I laugh at them though, not caring if it seemed like a terrible moment too, I don't know what they're talking about, so I guess it's time to check in.

"And that's when I came second place in the Track Finals!" Tate laughs. "Two centimetres behind!"  
"Jesus, Tate!" My mom laughs with him, her smiling nearly peeling off of her face. "Sounded like a pain in the ass!"  
Tate doesn't talk much about school, or his past for that manner, there are few things; track, his siblings, and in his dreams, the people he's hurt. I hear him begging for their mercy and forgiveness, I'm sure that he's having night-terrors now. There's something he always does before he goes to sleep, and it concerns me; he always tries to postpone sleep, like he's terrified of it or something. I can tell he wants to tell me about it, but I'm not going to rush him, I'll wait until he's ready.  
"Is there anything else you can remember from the time in high school?" my mom asks.  
Tate pauses for a few seconds, looking like he's thinking hard about it, but I knew him well enough to know that there's nothing he liked about it.  
"No, I don't think there were many things worth remembering," he says, looking at me, then down at his feet. "But there are some things I wish I could forget."

Both my mom and I, we knew exactly what he meant when he said those words, we could hear the sadness, the regret, all of it. I look at my mom, but she was already looking at me, her eyes doing the silent talking. She eyes moved from me to Tate, telling me to scoot over to him to comfort him. I do what she says, not like I wasn't going to anyway, sliding into the arms of Tate, already sensing his beautiful smile coming back. I lay against him, enjoying his welcoming warmth to my delight, even my mom was delighted to see us snuggled together. It was moments like this that made the afterlife worth living, it's amazing, and it's great to see Tate getting along with my parents, he even has an appointment with my dad later this afternoon. I don't think there's anything else in the entire existence of the world that would make me happier than I am at the moment, nothing at all, not even still being alive.

"Thank you, Violet, and you Vivien. I can't explain how much I appreciate it."  
"It's okay, Tate, really. You make my daughter the happiest girl in the world, and that means everything to me. So thank you, Tate," my mother says, winking at me. "You really are an amazing person."  
The smile on Tate's face is an amazing sight, even making my mother awkwardly blush. It was always a treat to see his smile, I used to describe it as an angel's smile on a ghost's face, probably the only way I could to be honest. It's beautiful, but I can see behind it, how broken and scarred it is, it's so easy to look past, but Tate knows I can see straight through it.  
"I," I pause, realising that I'm about to say the 'three words of perfection' in front of my mother. I think about it hard, whether to embarrass myself and possibly Tate in front of my mother. As much as I'm fighting the urge to, I want my mother to know exactly how I feel about him. "I love you, Tate."

The silence lingers in the room like a bad smell, and I knew then that I'd just embarrassed both me and Tate. I couldn't stop looking down at my feet like they were super-glued to them with embarrassment, I regret ever saying those words, in front of my mom anyway. Tate was quiet, which didn't seem good, he's never really quiet when he's with me. I get the courage look up at him, and there he is, his cheeks rosy red and the smile on his face even wider. I could hear him quietly chuckling, my mother doing the same in front of us. I look up at her, and her smile is nothing like I've ever seen before, full of love and happiness, she hasn't smiled like that in a very long time.

"Well, lovebirds," she finishes laughing. "I think we should start a new topic."  
"Agreed," both I and Tate say, looking straight at each other with loving eyes.  
"You know? I've been thinking," my mom pauses again like she always does. Speaking slowly was always her fore-shadow. "Murder House is like a beacon for ghosts, right? So, do you guys think there's something else out there?"  
"What? Like vampires and witches!" I laugh at the thought, catching my mother off guard.  
"Aliens even?" Tate joins in on the laugh, which makes my mother join us also. "You're not the only one that's thought about this, Vivien. And it seems to be something we will never find out for sure, not while we're dead anyway."  
I thought my mom was overthinking things again, but when Tate joined in on the thought, it does seem to make sense now. California has been known to be the 'State of the Dead', examples of this could be Colma, the 'City of the Dead'. Perhaps California is a beacon for the undead, all of California, I've never thought this hard about it until now. Maybe Tate and my mom are really onto something, I grab my laptop on my bed and start googling, still listening in on the conversation while doing so.

"Murder House is a trap for the spirits of those who have died here, making them stay here until they can roam around the night of Halloween, which is also known as Devil's Night, but still, something doesn't seem right. This couldn't really be the only place that ghosts co-exist around, right? Vi, are you googling stuff?" Tate asks.  
"Yeah, searching articles of the highest death count in places of California, I guess it's a start," I say, scrolling down more and more of the google results until I reach a website describing a place called the 'Hotel Cortez'.  
"Tate? Do you think any of us can move from one place to another? Like a swap of location?" My mom asks.  
"Doubt it. I've been here for a fair amount of time, and I've never seen a ghost suddenly disappear from the house, Nora could probably back me up on that."  
I click on the website and I'm suddenly welcomed by a grim picture of the Hotel Cortez, it's dark exterior really make a first impression. Something doesn't seem right about that place, the look was the start, but when I started to read, the "seem" really turns into a definite. The death-count is crazy; one-hundred and forty-nine known deaths in the hotel, and several missing persons reports from people that have gone in, and not come out. I'd never heard about this until today, no mentions of it anywhere, it was created by a man named James Patrick March, even the name makes him sound like a serial killer.

"Hey, guys! Look at this."  
I watch my mom scoot over to me and Tate, sitting right beside us both, seemed a little uncomfortable at first, I haven't really been this close to my mom for a while.  
"The Hotel Cortez? Sounds rather grim," my mother comments.  
I look up at Tate, and his eyes were just staring at the place like he's seen it before or something like that. I move his blonde curls out of his eyes, startling him and making him look straight at me.  
"You okay?" I ask him.  
"Yeah, I just swear I've seen that place before. Maybe I was a kid, or I dreamt about it, I don't know. It's nothing, don't worry Vi, it's nothing."  
"Jesus Christ, the death count is enormous!" my mom says. "If ghosts exist, we'd have a good chance of finding them there."  
"Yeah, mom. If we could physically leave!"  
"James Patrick March?" Tate says to himself. His voice was faint and quiet, I wouldn't have heard him if I wasn't so close to him. There something about this place that Tate doesn't like, I can feel all of that bad energy coming off of him. His eyes finally fell away from the words of the website, and I don't have to be psychic, to know that a Tate knows something about this place that we don't.


	17. Private Appointment

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tate is left alone, again. With Violet refusing to see him, he begins losing his mind for the second time. Violet's words; "You have to pay for you've done" echoes in his head. He begins to listen. Tate begins self-mutilating the last of the hope remaining in his spirit. Will he continue his self-torture? Or will people he least expected to care, save his life? Based after the Finale.

I guess it was time, time to finally face Violet's dad, face to face, one on one. We haven't had any real time to talk, only because I've tried hard to postpone it as much as possible, which has seemed to work until now. I'm already five minutes late, too much talking to Vivien and Violet about the Hotel Cortez, and James Patrick March, that name sparked memories inside of my mind, but I don't know whether they are from dreams or a direct experience, so for now, I'm going to ignore it. My thoughts were already on how pissed off Ben is going to be when I show up late, and what Vivien is saying to Violet after she told me that she loves me in front of her, god knows she's either getting a good gossip or bad lecture. Time to talk to Ben about my feelings again, the dreams I've been having, Taint, all of it. Nothing feels together anymore, I used to be a beautiful puzzle before I was kicked off the table, now I'm in pieces, with some missing of course. God knows that only Violet knows where to find those pieces, she's always been amazing at stuff like that.

I roam the upstairs hall of Murder House, making sure every step was as tiny as possible, quiet as possible, I know why I'm nervous, this is my true-love's dad, the fearless one as Nora calls him. I could feel my eyes aching like I was hungover or something. Why the fuck am I acting this way? This should be easy, I've done this before, numerous amounts of times. I don't know why I'm acting this way, it doesn't feel right. There's something different this time, there's something wrong with this appointment. I'm nervous, skittish, everything to do with lack of comfort, I can feel it give me a headache. I can feel sweat roll down the side of my head, making me question whether or not I'm actually a ghost. How the f- No, I'm not going to think about that again, it always seems to cross my mind and confuse me, I already have enough on my mind. I'm near the end of the hall, and as much as I'd like to, I can't take tiny steps anymore. I can feel the goosebumps on my arm suddenly fade when the door slowly wheels its way open, revealing the man I fear so fucking much.

"Tate, I'm glad you're here," Ben says, his dark eyes staring at me. "We can begin your appointment."  
"I'm like eight minutes late."  
"Yeah, but you could not have shown up. It's better that you're late, than not show up at all."  
He's right, he's always right. I could have just hidden in the basement again, out of sight and out of mind, but of course, Violet would have found me eventually, and would probably be as pissed as ever. So, I'm kinda' glad I showed up now. He invites me in his office, and I enter without question, entering the calming office that belonged to Ben. The office was always a calming place; the two chairs, the neat table, the pens and everything, it was always a nice place to be. I kinda' missed this part of the house, it's caught up with the technology and theme of today's society, which is good, I'm glad to have some things in the house that belong to a time different to Nora's. I sit down in the comfortable chair that belonged to Ben's patients, probably the best chair in the entire house, I could probably pass out in it, that's how comfortable it is. But that was step one, now it was time for the real talking, I hate speaking my mind, It never ends well, but I guess it's now, or never.

"Alright, Tate. I want you to tell me whatever you're comfortable with telling me, but, I really want to know how you've been feeling lately," he pauses for a second, pulling out a pen and a notepad, he's going to write down all of this. Great. "How you've been feeling when you're alone."  
I suddenly can't say anything, I'm sand that's been struck by lightning, turned into glass and stuck into place. I'm lost, helpless, I know what I want to say, but my mouth is completely reluctant to say anything. I take a big breath in, ready to say exactly what he wants to hear, I'm going to say it now.  
"I'm going, to be honest, because I probably won't wanna' be in the next minute or two, so I better start. I think there's something wrong with me, well, I think there are more things wrong with me. I'm having visions, dreams, nightmares, all to do with the bad things I have done to people, it's all starting to haunt me. But there's more than that, I recently had a nightmare, to do with Violet."  
"Hmm, was- was Violet hurt in your nightmare?" Ben asks me like he was reading my mind.  
"Yeah, she was murdered, she was murdered by me I've seen in my dreams, the Noble War me. I've given it a name because it seems to be consuming me, the dark tattoos, the black clothing-"  
"Just like the other night when those men attacked Nora? You changed, you changed into him?"  
"Yeah, it's like something is inside of me, something that wants me to kill. I wanted to kill all of those men, one by one. But I know it wasn't the real me," I pause, staring into the palm of my hand. "It's all Taint."

Ben was writing down everything. Taint, my dreams, the way I've been feeling, all of it. I don't blame him, we already have unstable ghosts in this house, Chad is probably the best example, fucking dickhead. The notepad was full within seconds, Ben was always a fast writer, but I think he's worried more about my well-being than anyone else's. He knows I wouldn't intentionally hurt Violet or anyone else for that matter, so I guess he actually kinda' trusts me now. But there was something bugging me, crawling under my skin, It was a promise that I want Ben to promise me, for the good of everything, especially her, especially my Violet.

"Ben? Can you promise me something? No questions about it, if you say yes, and the time comes, you have to do it."  
"Yeah, Tate? What is it?" He asks me.  
"If I ever, go crazy again, If I ever become Taint permanently somehow, I want you to make sure that everyone is safe. I've done this before, to Nora, to everyone, Violet's done it before, to me. When you tell a ghost to "go away", and really mean it, it's kinda' like a banishment thing. It works, you say that to me and really mean it, I'll be long away from everything, unable to touch or interact with anyone. I want you to do that to me if I ever become him, If I ever try to attack Violet, you do it. If I ever try to hurt anyone of us, you do it. Do you understand, Ben? I give you permission, doesn't matter what I say, you have to do it-"  
"Alright, Tate! It'll be hard for me to do it, but I promise I will," he says, his voice sounding honest and trustworthy, if It's one thing he can do, he can be trustworthy.  
That was it, my final game plan is complete. My plan to keep everyone safe is complete, Violet will hate me if we ever have to use it, but I guess, I love her too much, to watch her suffer.  
"Good."


	18. Unleashed

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tate is left alone, again. With Violet refusing to see him, he begins losing his mind for the second time. Violet's words; "You have to pay for you've done" echoes in his head. He begins to listen. Tate begins self-mutilating the last of the hope remaining in his spirit. Will he continue his self-torture? Or will people he least expected to care, save his life? Based after the Finale.

I don't know why, but I was back here, back in the one place I wish never existed in this house. The dark atmosphere, the horrible memories of what I used to do myself there, the loneliness, it's a painful thing to experience all over again. The basement is full of disgusting things, the Infantata, lies, horror, insanity, all of the things dug their ways into my head, causing me to nearly lose faith in everything. I remember rolling around in a corner, like a helpless child, like a mental patient at an asylum, like a freak with stage fright. I remember watching Nora as she tried to look for me, always forgetting that I could easily disappear from anyone, from anything, as long as that's what I wanted. A basement is a ghostly place, where the true monsters lie, where the predators prowl around, waiting for their next victim, If Taint wasn't inside of me, if he was a real spirit, I think this is where he'd hide from the world. I contemplated coming down here, but I had this feeling inside, like I was being drawn here, perhaps that's the reason I'm here, or maybe, maybe it's something else, something much worse.

I stare at the concrete wall of the basement, and the conditions of them, well, the conditions I left them in. The dry blood inside of the dents catches my attention, and I couldn't help but lose myself in the sight. The violence admitted in this room, the constant violence, self-harm, all of it, it begins to flush my mind, and it hurts more than I could describe. The memories, the memories of bashing my fists into the wall until my bones show, the slitting of my wrists, the rolling in a corner, all of it pains my mind, making it numb and lessening it with hope. I swear I hear that voice again, the voice of the bastard that turned me into a monster, the voice of the sadistic thing inside of me.  
"Glad to see we're back here. Are you going to start our punishment again?"  
"Shut up!" I say to myself, trying hard to keep myself together.  
"How can I? We're the same, remember? Same mind, same body, same soul. You can't get rid of me!"  
"I can, Taint. I know I can, all I have to do is get close to her, and you disappear."  
"What? You're little Violet, she can't save you, you know. In fact, she's the reason I inhabited your mind in the first place, you were lonely and I was there, I was the one who tried to help you. NOT HER!"  
I laugh sadistically, specifically to myself, and for some reason, I couldn't care if someone saw me. He's fucking with my mind, causing me to question myself, deeply question myself. Am I crazy? I'm crazy, I'm crazy, I'm god damn crazy! I have to get out of here.

I struggle to the find the stairs of the basement, my eyes are struggling to keep open. What the hell is happening to me? Violet, help me, Violet! I need you more than anything right now.  
"She's not coming for you! She's abandoned you!"  
"Shut. Up."  
"She won't help you, Tate. Let me in and I'll help, I'm going to force my way in any way, it might as well be for something."  
"I'm not going to let you in! You'll hurt people!" I scream.  
"Only the people who have hurt us, they deserve it, and they will suffer for what they've done!"  
My eyes clear enough for me to see the stairs, the everlasting freedom. I can already feel my heart begin to calm when I head towards there, and Taint's voice has already disappeared from my head. The freedom, I can already taste it, feel it, smell it, It's between my fingertips and I love that it's in my control. I'm close to the stairs, ready to find myself from this hell, that's until I hear a hissing noise behind me.

I turn quickly, seeing it, seeing the one creature that would want to stay down here, away from everyone else. Nora's demon, Thaddeus, sits perched in front of me like a rabid dog, starting with its dark eyes and smelling with its beastly nose. I haven't seen this creature since I banished myself to the basement not so long ago, he was only there for a couple minutes at a time, which is good, the little fucker gives me the absolute creeps. Thaddeus, I wonder what he could've been, but then again, if he and the Montgomery family didn't die, I wouldn't have moved here and eventually died, a small death could really change the course of history. But here it is, sitting in front of me like a domesticated animal, and I'm standing in front of it, desperately trying to keep my cool with this thing. But does it understand communication? Social skills? Anything from it's passed as a human? No, probably not, he died before he could learn any natural human skills.

"Thaddeus? Can you hear me?" I ask it, but with no form of response. I don't even though if he can hear me right now, let alone understand me. All it does is stare at me, emotionless and silent, but not the good type of silent, a suspenseful type. Why is he even here, I'm not the one who helps it anymore, it needs to find it's own blood. It's supposed to be a predator, but it happens to be the worst one in the world, terrible at hunting for itself, terrified of others, If it wasn't dead, it would surely starve to death. I don't even know why it needs blood when it's dead, the dead don't need food, they only eat it because it makes us feel human again, maybe it's the same for Thaddeus, maybe it wants to feel something, something that makes it feel alive.  
"I'm sure you can hear me, but I need you to know that I can't help you anymore. I can't be the one to give you blood, you need to know that, I'm not a killer anymore, I won't kill for you! YOU UNDERSTAND!"

The creature lunges at me, reacting to my screaming voice, but not in the way I wanted it to. I should've kept my cool, should've made myself calm because I could've saved myself from what I know is going to happen next. Thaddeus' lunge results in his claws attempting to slash my throat, but I was somehow too quick, dodging its lethal attack. But I was unable to completely dodge its attack, and its claws slicing my wrist violently, causing blood to spurt onto the ground. The creature attempts to lunge at me again, but this time, I grip its neck, tight enough to hear its spine begin to crack. The rage, it's like a temperature hot enough to crack any thermometer, makes good people, cruel and aggressive, and I'm in the middle of the flame, feeling it burn. The creature tries to squirm its way out of my grip, but with no luck, instead, I throw it to the ground, hard enough to make sure it doesn't get up.

Now, I'm alone in the room, stuck with the uncontrollable rage I have inside of me. The fever, the sickness, it's swallowing me like a giant whale, and I'll stick in the darkness of its belly. But I feel my rage is too strong, strong enough to break even the strongest of men, the scariest of creatures, the most fearsome fears, anything feels possible when I feel like this. I can destroy anything, anyone, I feel like I'm back in the Noble War, I know what I can do, but nobody can stop me, not even myself. The darkness takes over so quickly, there are no warnings, no nothing, no feeling of pain, not yet anyway. I punch the wall, cracking the entire thing, something I've never done anything like that in my entire existence. I shake at the feeling of the cold, broken wall on my fist, but there's no blood or anything, just pure carnage. But that's when I see it, the tattoos forming on my fist once again, the Tainted force that easily swallows me like I'm a mere pill. I stare at the dark markings, fearing it, hating it, but then, loving it. I can feel my skin begin to burn, Taint is consuming me, causing me to scream. I try to fight it, but this time, it seems so impossible, and I fear that I'm no longer in control of my body and that he is going to hurt someone, indefinitely.


	19. The Message

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tate is left alone, again. With Violet refusing to see him, he begins losing his mind for the second time. Violet's words; "You have to pay for you've done" echoes in his head. He begins to listen. Tate begins self-mutilating the last of the hope remaining in his spirit. Will he continue his self-torture? Or will people he least expected to care, save his life? Based after the Finale.

I just finished an extremely important meeting with my mother and some of the others, a meeting about the future the inhabitants of the house are to commit themselves to. It's been a year and a while since we've been here and we've all celebrated Christmas as one, same as Thanks Giving, and of course, the recent Halloween Party, which is always a good change for the spirits that live here. I was getting over the house quite quickly, seeing the same old style over and over again, that's when the idea of a change was brought to my mind, and my mother agreed to my idea. Everyone agreed, everyone except for the ones that separate themselves from the group, like Tate and Hayden, at least one of them is justified. Nora and Chad, as obsessed as they are with the look of the house, managed themselves to agree, which was something I never thought I'd see. So now, the plans were in order, and I couldn't wait to see the change, let alone tell Tate about the plans, I was originally thinking I'd keep it a secret from him, but it'd be way too difficult, keeping a straight face every time he saw things were changing. I'd left him alone, but I knew it wouldn't be long until he started getting bored, then getting up to something foolish. As much as I love and trust Tate, I couldn't let myself forget how he was, how curious he gets when he gets bored, especially after the things that have been happening to him. So, I guess it was time to check up on him.

I stand at the bottom of the stairs, looking up at the entrance to my room, noticing the door being slightly open, Tate's either snuck out, or he's peeped through a gap to see what everyone is doing. I take my first step onto stairs, but then notice something odd; a trail of lightly placed blood leads up the stairs. It could be anyone's, but that's the point, it could any anyone's, including Tate's, so panic quickly enters my mind like an open door. I rush up the stairs, almost completely missing the last step, but I didn't care, the door was in front of my face, so nothing could stop me. I stare at the ground again, watching the trail as it leads directly into my room, Jesus, Tate, what did you do? I contemplate walking in, thinking the worst. Has he hurt himself? Was he injured by accident? On purpose? Is he punishing himself again? Fuck, fuck, fuck. I take deep breaths, but they're not deep enough. I try to think happy hurts, like when Tate saved me from those men in the parking lot when told took me to his spot, shit, they all just lead to Tate, the reason why I'm worried. I take one final breath, and then I walk in, not caring about what I'll see next.

But that's what I see, nothing. Darkness, the lights are out, completely out, complete pitch black has eaten that room, swallowed it whole. Is this a game? What the hell is going on in here? The blood, the trail of worry that followed it, was it all just a ruse to get me back here for a make-out session or something? If that's what it is, I'm going to be really pissed off at Tate, because it's not cool at all, I'll make him know that. I feel around for the light switch, but I can't seem to find it, at all. I feel around more and more, and then there it is, I touch the edge of it. Time to turn those lights on.  
"Please don't," a voice says from through the dark, clearly Tate's. What the hell is he doing in pitch black?  
"Tate? What are you doing in there?" I ask him, trying hard to see his silhouette, but with no luck.  
"Hiding."  
"Hiding from what? You're scaring me, Tate. What are you hiding from?"  
"The light, you, everyone, the embarrassment of my life, my bloodlust. It's consuming, you know? I've always been the darkness, Violet, in one shape or another, if not me as a whole, it was my mother's shadow, that's where she made her children sit until they're told otherwise. Everyone is a light, and then there's the shadows like me, the ones that lurk in the dark like beasts, monsters. I love you, Violet, so much. I scare everyone, and I'm sorry, but I've lost control of myself, and if you turn on that light, you'll learn that for yourself."

His voice, it terrifies me, how different it sounds, how different his personality is, it's the only thing that stops me from switching on my light. I don't know what's going on with him, but whatever it is, it knows how to make your skin crawl, make goosebumps show on your arm. It's like a creature has replaced my boyfriend, taking his voice and is using it to compel me to become its next victim, its next meal. My boyfriend can be scary at times, but never this bad, never like this, I've seen him break grown men like they were toys, and not even that scares me as much as how he's acting now. I could scream, but I feel like it would be no use at all. My mind is committing the definition of contemplating right now, I couldn't stop myself from doing it if I tried, and that's scary in itself. Fear; fuck everyone and run, that's all my mind is telling me to do right now, but I'm still positioned here, holding that switch, ready to see him now, ready to face what state he's in.

I switch on the light, and he's sitting there in front of me, his eyes red and the darkest I've ever seen them. His face is extremely pale, and his face is completely covered with those tattoos again, but this time, they seem so much darker, like they're completely stuck to his skin. I look down at his hands, the same thing; the tattoos sit there innocently, everywhere from his finger-tips to the web of his fingers. His neck is covered in tattoos, everywhere is covered in tattoos, even his hair seems a lot darker than normal, his blonde locks replaced with a black slick back look. His emotionless staring face gives me the creeps, but I'm more intrigued than terrified, which is surprising. He just stares, his eyes doing no talking, his mouth doing no talking, he's allowing no messages across to me. I'm worried about him, what has he done to himself? What has happened to him this time? Something always seems to happen, why can't Tate Langdon get a fucking break!

"Tate, can you hear me?" I ask him.  
"Of course."  
"Are you okay? Do you feel okay?"  
"Violet," he pauses, looking right through me like I was made of glass. "I feel nothing. No sadness, no pain, no anger, nothing."  
I stare at the wrist part of his shirt, soaked in blood, he's bleeding, a lot. Why hasn't he healed yet?  
"Tate, y- you're bleeding."  
"Oh," he gasped, staring at his still bleeding wrist. "Right. Thaddeus got me, but don't worry, he suffered for it, a little knock on the head won't kill him."  
He speaks like he's not here like he's dreaming like all of this is a figment of his imagination. I hope it's a figment of mine because this won't be real, and all of the fear inside of me won't be real, please, don't be real, don't be real. I watch him as he tenses his hand, and like that, his wound disappears like it was never there. I shake uncontrollably like I'm on a heavy drug like I've been hit by a truck, like I'm having a seizure. I feel a pain in my heart, I know I've felt this before, heartbreak, I hate seeing him like this, in fact, it destroys me to see him like this. I take a step towards him, but then he stands up, his face not looking so emotionless anymore.

"Violet," he says. "You have to listen to me. I can't fight this anymore, I'm trying hard to, but I'm losing, I'm going to lose control of myself. I love you so much, but you have to run, or-or I'll hurt you. I promised you I wouldn't, but I want to, I want to hurt everyone, including both you and Nora, and that says something. Run while you still can, find your dad! PLEASE!"  
I watch as he body shakes uncontrollably, the more he does it, the paler his skin becomes, the darker his eyes get, it was really happening, Taint was eating him from the inside out. He sits down on my bed, gripping the sheets and tearing at them, ripping them apart. His teeth grind at what I think is the pain, he's losing the plot, and I can't help him.  
"TATE!"  
His shaking stops, and he suddenly goes still, sitting on my bed like nothing ever happened. His skin is whiter than the whitest of snow, and his eyes redder and darker than pitch black blood. His hands let go of the sheet, then, his head slowly begins to turn and face me, smiling like a psychopath. The smile brings chills down my spine, hard enough to crack it completely. I shake at the anticipation, waiting for him to say something, but he doesn't, instead, waiting for me to say something first.  
"Tate?" I utter, trying hard to get a response from what seems like a lifeless person in front of me.  
"Well, hello Violet."  
He launches him at me, snarling while he does it, the launch is so aggressive, with the intention of hurting me. I open the door and slam it behind me like it's going to do anything. I hear knocking and then breaking, he's after me, Taint is after me. SOMEBODY HELP!


	20. Gone

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tate is left alone, again. With Violet refusing to see him, he begins losing his mind for the second time. Violet's words; "You have to pay for you've done" echoes in his head. He begins to listen. Tate begins self-mutilating the last of the hope remaining in his spirit. Will he continue his self-torture? Or will people he least expected to care, save his life? Based after the Finale.

He launches at me, snarling while he does it, the launch is so aggressive, with the intention of hurting me. I open the door and slam it behind me like it's going to do anything. I hear knocking, and then breaking, he's after me. Taint is after me. SOMEBODY HELP! I head straight towards the bathroom, dragging the door behind me, panicking in the process. I stare around the empty bathroom, looking around for anything to barricade the door with, but there seems to be nothing. I begin to lock the door, but that's when I hear it, my door opening, and footsteps, footsteps coming towards the bathroom. I quickly finish locking the door, and whistling follows it, a weird tune, a tune that crawls under my skin. The footsteps stop at the door.  
"I know you're in there, Violet. I heard you go in. Now, we can do this two ways; you can open this door and I promise I'll be nice, or, I can break open this door and I won't be so nice. Your choice."  
My heart beats so hard, it begins to nearly break out of my chest, causing me to weep. The fear drives me crazy, this isn't Tate, this is his counterpart, his evil-counterpart, the reason he's done what he did. He wants to hurt me, I can feel it, I can feel his intentions, and I fear he knows how to break me, Tate would know, so why wouldn't he. Taint, just his name describes evil, a sediment of evil, every evil thing that Tate has ever done, it's all on Taint, I'm sure Tate wouldn't say that, but I believe that is true. I'm not going to let him in, not going to let this monster hurt me. What did Tate say? Find my dad? Shit, I'm stuck in the bathroom, but if I plan this right, I can easily get out of this.  
"FINE! You asked for it!"

I manage to leave the room using my ghost abilities, appearing right on the stairs. I watch Taint as he breaks down the door, looking straight into the bathroom aggressively, I can hear his voice filled with anger as he screams to himself.  
"Where are you, Violet?! You're pissing me off!"  
I rush down the stairs, way too fast for own good. I trip and fall down the last few steps, I can feel the break of my lip on the impact, and the blood gushing from it. I look at the top of the stairs, and he is, staring down at me with that smile, that god-forsaken evil smile.  
"Hello Violet, I forgot you were a ghost."  
"FUCK YOU!" I scream before getting up and heading towards the family room.  
I can't seem to find anyone, not my mom, my dad, nobody is anywhere to be found. I listen to Taint as he slowly steps down the stairs, every step is some sort of game to him, he enjoys torturing people, breaking them, driving them crazy, it's his game, his joy, and I'm not going to let him have that joy with me.  
"Tate is gone, Violet, only I remain. You've hurt us, broken us, caused the US to do terrible things, things we can't forgive. You're going to suffer for the things you've done to us, then, we're going to make everyone else suffer."

I look around for anyone, but that's when I hear a voice, a familiar voice from the kitchen, Patrick's voice. I run towards the kitchen, trying hard not to trip on anything else. I turn to see Taint right behind me, following me like a stalker, a sociopath, a murderer from a horror movie. When I enter the kitchen Patrick is cooking, with headphones on, loud music playing. I can feel Taint's breath right behind me, so I grip a knife, holding it up towards his smiling face.  
"What are you going to do with that, huh? Stab me? Bitch, I can't be killed!"  
"But you can be slowed!"  
I jam the knife in his stomach, causing him to shriek in pain, flailing to his knees, joining the blood from his wound. As much as I hate hurting Tate, it's not him, and I have to pick that up now, or that'll be the end of me. Now is my time to call out to Patrick.  
"PATRICK!" my scream is loud to overdose his music, shocking him and causing him to turn around, tearing off his headphones. "HELP!"  
I watch Patrick's eyes turn to see Taint, perched down on his knees, pulling the knife from his stomach. His dark tattooed eyes look up at both of us, grinding his teeth in absolute rage. I've just pissed him off, but at least I've evened the odds with Patrick at my side.  
"Tate?" Patrick gasps.  
"No, Patrick."

He stands up, the knife tightly gripped in his right hand, wrapped around his tattooed hands. His breathing is heavy and devilish, like a bull seeing red, like a demon from the depths of hell. But then he starts chuckling crazily, smiling at both of us like nothing ever happened.  
"Who are you?! What have you done with Tate?!"  
"Patrick, Patrick, Patrick. I remember killing you, shoving a fire-poker up your ass, then tossing your body to the Infantata. I made Tate believe that he was the one feeding that fucking thing. You were just food, just like Chad, I knew how to break both of you, with Chad, quite literally. So, are you ready to die again?"  
"Fuck this!" Patrick says, leaping directly at Taint, knocking him to the wooden floor of the kitchen. Patrick's hands gripped Taint's throat, but Taint wasn't panicking, instead of laughing uncontrollably. I watch Patrick as Taint's head collides with his, nearly knocking him unconscious, then thrown to the cold ground, the knife still in Taint's hand.  
"You know, I didn't mind killing people," he says, picking Patrick up by the throat and dragging him into a wall. "But you, Patrick. Killing you and Chad was insatiable! I loved it! I loved killing the two of you like you were cockroaches! I mean, the rubber suit was a little drastic, but it worked didn't it? Chad thought I was you, imagine that! I could never be a FAGGOT!"

Taint slowly drives a knife through one of Patrick's hands, sticking it to the wall, the blood quickly following the entrance of the knife. Patrick's screams are horrific, I begin to cry, but Taint seems to be enjoying every second of it, laughing as he slowly walks over to the kitchen, winking at me as he picks up another knife. He looks me in the eye.  
"I want you to watch this, Violet, I want you to endure every second of this!"  
Taint slowly begins to drag the knife towards Patrick's eye, smiling as he does it, but then he stops, rolling his eyes are himself. But that's when he does it, violently sticks the knife straight through Patrick's forearm, sticking him to the wall, making him cry in a torturous scream. Taint stares over at me, slowly walking towards me with a glaring smile on his face. His dark tattoos stare at me with delight, absorbing the tears coming from my face, I go to beg, but my voice doesn't seem to work. This is it, he's going to torture me, kill me over and over, probably hurt me in a way that makes Patrick's punishment seem like child's play. I'm terrified, nearly going to piss my pants, I wish Tate was here to protect me, but he can't, for once, he can't save. I have a knife in one hand, and a cup in the other, like it's going to save me from this situation, I'm so fucked.

I watch Taint's head as it slams down onto the kitchen counter, repeating the same progress multiple times, blood pouring from his mouth. Chad appears from out of nowhere like he was invisible the entire time. But this isn't the Chad I've seen before, this Chad is angry, dark like he's had the roughest week in the world, this Chad looks vengeful in his own way.  
"You hurt my husband, you bastard! I will kill you over and over if I have to!"  
"Awww, Chad. Such a sweetheart!" Taint manages to say, spitting blood all over the place.  
Taint spins up, elbowing Chad directly in the mouth, then punching him in the stomach. Before he could do anything more, I put in the other knife in Taint's back, directly into the spinal chord, but it has no effect at all, he just pulls it out after screeching in pain. He tries to use the knife to stab Chad, but Chad flips him onto the ground, breaking his arm as he yanks it in the opposite direction. Taint manages to get off the ground and get Chad in a choke hold, causing his breathing to stop. I walk over to Patrick, yanking the knives from his arm and hand, quickly so it didn't hurt as much. Patrick still screams and fell to the ground, but it didn't seem for long, his anger got the best of him.

Patrick launches at Taint, punching him in the back of his head to make him let go of Chad, then turning to punch him in the face. The couple grips both of his arms, stretching them out to make him drop the knife he still somehow had in his hand, forcing his knees to hit the floor. And then there he was, appearing directly in front of him, his dark hair and eyebrows staring Taint down like he was going to be inflicting some real pain. My dad stands in front of Taint, punching him in the face, a lot more than a few times. Each hit vibrates the floor with its force, causing the photos and paintings on the walls to shake uncontrollably, even managing to copy the beat of my heart. I watch my dad as he begins to lose control of himself, hitting him more and more.  
"Stupid. Son of a. Bitch. Fuck. You. Leave. My. Daughter. ALONE!" he yells as he punches him even more, probably destroying half of his face.  
"Dad!" I scream at him. "Stop! Tate is still feeling the pain!"

That makes my dad stop and step back away from Taint's body, but I can only see the back of him. I begin to move around the body Chad and Patrick still hold up, and the further and further I move around, the harder and harder it is to keep looking at the sight. Taint's face is completely broken, my dad that destroyed it, torn it apart with his fists, and the sight of the blood and the disfigurement causes a pain in my heart and stomach. This is still Tate's face, and it being the way it is, hurts me, pains me deeply to know that's what his face can look like. Tears flow down my face as I watch his face rapidly heal, slowly turning into the sight it was originally, the beautiful face I fell in love with, but still Tainted. As soon as his face was healed, Taint's smile reappeared, taunting both me and my dad.  
"You'll never get rid of me, this night won't end until I manage to remove all of your heads and put them in a jar, sure, you'll be alive when I stick the heads back on," he pauses, looking at both Chad and Patrick, then looking up at my mom and Nora, who stand right at the entrance to the downstairs bedrooms. "But I'm not going to!"

Taint twists out of Chad and Patrick's grips, somehow managing to grip them by their necks. I turn to see my dad staring at me, his eyes watering. My mom and Nora begin to walk towards us, but my dad stops them like he knows it's going to be over soon. The look says it all, he's going to do something he knows he'll regret, something he knows I'll hate him for. Oh no.  
"Violet, honey. I'm sorry, I know this will hurt you, but I have to do this! I'm so sorry, baby."  
"What does that mean, dad!" I scream, watching Taint as he breaks the necks of the couple, walking towards both me and my dad.  
"Taint, Tate, go away," he says, the words breaking my heart, he's really doing it.  
"I'M GOING TO KILL YOU!"  
"Dad no!" I scream.  
"BEN!" my mom screams.  
"GO AWAY!" my dad screams, echoing the entire house.

And just like that, he was gone, disappeared once again, completely gone from anyone's sight. He did it, my dad was the hero again, managed to save everyone's lives, but manage to completely tear my heart from my chest in the progress. It was still Tate, he was still there, I swear he was, still trying to fight it, but my dad was too impatient to let him fight it. My tears stream down the side of my face, mixing with the blood in the room, crafting a merciful sadness. I'm officially broken now, destroyed, now without Tate, he was banished again. I did it to him last time, and now my dad had just done it to him again, just like that. He really is suffering now, he always has, in any shape or form, he has suffered. Now my Tate is gone, stuck being alone again, forced to be stuck with his own god damn presence. It doesn't seem to stop, it doesn't seem to have its thirst quenched, the suffering of Tate Langdon doesn't seem to end.


End file.
